Beautifully Me ... Tricia

Getting Back 2 Me

2011-06-09T08:14:00.003-05:00

I'm feeling to such like Fantaisa right now it's not even funny. Up until yesterday I was so far gone that I couldn't even find myself. I was in love with a person that (I'm realizing for the first time) didn't love me back. At least not the way that I did. I convinced myself that he did, but he didn't. I'm not faulting him though, because a person can't help who they love and who they don't. All they can do is feel whatever it is that they feel. I blame myself, because deep down I knew. I felt it, but I just kept pushing anyway, hoping that one day he would see how good of a person I was. It never happened.

I put my ALL into a person that I knew wasn't doing the same. I was giving more than 100%, and I became really depressed when he just walked away. I couldn't understand why he didn't love me. I wasn't eating, I was barely sleeping, and whenever he wanted a peice I still ran to give it to him. I wanted a part of him. I'm embarassed. I became something that I never wanted to be in efforts to try to keep a part of him. In the end it didn't work because he had given his heart to somebody else. I couldn't have it if she already did. So I cried some more and felt depressed some more. He finally went to her and now it's time that I get back to me.

The first step is learning to truely love myself. I believe the rest will fall into place from there.

Weight Loss: Day 1

2011-06-09T07:54:00.009-05:00

It's no secret that I'm not the most faithful person when it comes to weight loss or just living a healthier life style, BUT once again I'm trying to work on getting my body to where I'm satisfied with it. My target weight is 140 to 145lbs. That's where I wanna to be or even 150 if I'm toned up. The first step for me is gonna be learning to eat healthier foods.

I'm gonna spend the first 2 weeks eating according to a meal plan that was put together for me. That means goodbye junk food. I'm ok with that. I have a goal that I want to reach. I want to love my body, not hide it under layers and layer of clothes. I have a renewed dedication. Let the Journey Begin.

Heartache U.S.A

2011-03-25T19:37:00.006-05:00

So I've got to be honest ... my heart is broken. I know I haven't been blogging lately, but this is the place where I come to get my feelings out. I feel so hurt. So betrayed. So stupid. So rejected. My boyfriend of the last year and half broke up with me on last Thursday. He said that the reason was because he was tried of feeling like he was on trial when he was with me. There's a whole back story to this but it doesn't matter anymore.

So the next night ((one day after we broke up)) while he was out bowling with a few of our co-workers he flirted with a chick who also works with us. They exchanged numbers and so their story goes from there. So when I got wind of it I was heated. I mean I know that we are not together,but I just feel like it was disrespectful to date someone else that we both work with. In fact, she works closely with me. I asked him about it. He said that she meant nothing. She was trying to get at him, and that he wasn't interested. Ok ... I'm give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him at his word.

Last night, ((Thursday)) I was still down and miserable about our break-up so I decided to take my sister to the movies. How about then I get there I just so happen to park directly in front of ::Christain's:: car. I can't believe this dude is out on a date a week after our relationship. I have to see who he is with so I go to every single theater <- out of hand, I know, but I had to see. So finally I find him ... in the movie I had payed to see anyway. And who is he with?? None other than the girl he said with nothing. The girl he didn't care anything about. Looking good as hell. Hair cut. Cologne popping. Clothes fresh. I was crushed. I couldn't believe it. I didn't make a scene. I just sent him a text that said: I knew you were a liar. Then me n my sis went to another show. About a minute or so later ... he calls me asking what am I talking about. I tell him that I saw him with the chick he said was nothing and that he is a liar. He left that movie he was in to come and sit in the movie that I was in to try and explain that its nothing. But I don't believe him. If it was nothing then why was he even there?? I told him to go back to his date. He leaves but comes back like 15 minutes later and says he wants to talk again. We talk and he keeps saying it doesn't mean shit, but he's STILL on a date with another girl. Not wasting anytime. Not skipping a beat. And on top of that she works with me. I'm embarrassed. I'm hurt like a muthafucka. I can't stop crying. I don't even know what to do ...

And So Another Year Starts

2011-01-02T23:08:00.003-06:00

Happy New Year!!! This year has already started off with a bang ... well ok sirens.

I'll start from the top. I brought the year in with my booski at his friend's girlfriend's house. I'm not gonna lie ... it wasn't the most fun that I've had in my life, but I was glad that ::Christian:: had invited me at all. Normally when he hangs with his friends I don't get an invite ((honestly, most of the time I don't really want one)) because he is younger and his friends are in his same age bracket, but are less mature. Meaning, things that they find entertaining I don't enjoy quite as much. There was a lot of smoking, drinking, and card playing. Then there was me sitting there like a bump on a log feeling like I didn't belong, cuz I don't smoke or drink and I rarely play cards.

New Year's Day

I spend New Year's Day with my family at the mall. We hit up all the sales. My aunt from Michigan flew in so I really enjoyed getting to spend some time with her. She only visits once a year. I was going through a tough time while she was here and her words of encouragement really lifted my spirit. Not to mention that she cooked every single day that she was here. I was in heaven. I wish she could move here. She kept mama off of my back and was a pleasant room mate for the week.

Here and Now

Church was AMAZING!!! God is so good. Sometimes when u get down in a lil funk you can forget that Jesus will never leave you. He's always there. This is a new year and that means a new beginning and it's time to start doing new things. Bishop and Elect Lady blessed our lives today. Then I went to Applebee's with the boo. It was our first official date of the year. As I was making my way towards the house I got pulled over by the cops. So today was also the first time I've ever been pulled over. Didn't get a ticket though. So it was still a good day. Let's see what great things God has in store of me this year.

P.S. I haven't forgotten that I'm supposed to be photo documenting my life from here on out. I just need to get a better camera to do it. No excuses though. I'm just gonna make due with the one that I have until I get a better one. The pics are on the way ;-)

The Chick Behind The Screen

2010-12-23T13:09:00.010-06:00

So ... I've had this blog for about 3 years and I think that it's time that I venture out from behind the screen. For some reason [(which now escapes me)] when I started this blog I wanted to keep it anonymous. Maybe I was afraid of everything or maybe I wasn't afraid of anything. IDK, but any-woo. Here I am. I really want to explore fashion and make-up and to do that, I'm gonna have to post some face and body pics. This is the first of many. Hell ... I might as well post pics of me on the daily as well. <- That just means what I do in my daily life like when I go on dates or when I hang with friends, or just when I see something that I want to share with yall. This up coming year I really wanna document my life through pictures so WE might as well embark on this journey together ;-D.

xoxo

Tricia

Reserve Me???

2010-11-15T09:24:00.010-06:00

I've been thinking about joining the Air Force Reserve ... Honestly, I feel like it could be a really good move for my life. They would give me a workout and healthy eating space for two months in basic training. <- I've been saying I want to drop about 10 to 15lbs and tone up. I would get training in my field of choice in Houston, TX. <- I've saying I want to travel and I would be gaining experience that would benefit me in the work world. It would get me out of my mama's house. <- For six months to a year I would be living in Houston doing my training. I'd only be giving up one weekend a month. <- I grew up an army brat and one thing that I realized from living in that kind of environment was that I didn't want to live the active duty lifestyle. I don't have to pick up and move or get up early every single day to do PT. I can still do me and live my normal life. The reserve would pay off my student loans, grant me the G.I bill, and they would give me a monthly stipend for doing something I want to do anyway, get a college degree. <-That would take care of my school worries. I would automatically get health, life, and a considerable discount on car and renter's insurance. <- That would take care of my other life concerns. Plus I hear that they give all new recruits and $3,000 to $5,000 signing bonus. <- That's just money in the bank or a down payment for a newer car.

Now here's the down side, I can't sign up for this and change my mind after a few years. I'll have to do the full 8 or else I would be dishonorably discharged and I've never be able to get a good job anywhere. During the time of training and AIT I don't really know what would happen with my relationships friendly and romantic alike. If a war does break out, I will have to go. I have to meet some people who are actually in to get a better perspective ((cuz you know a recruiter isn't gonna tell the whole truth)) but it is something that I really want to think about. It's something that can really change my life.

Let's Play Ketchup

2010-10-23T11:03:00.006-05:00

Guess who's bizzackk!! What's up?!?! Man, I know, I know, I've really fallen off of the blog wagon here lately. So much has happened between the last post that I wrote and this one I really don't know to start. My life is starting to take such a change and I'm really just thanking GOD. I guess I'll just divide it up into sections and just put out as much as I can.

School:

For the past year and some change I haven't been in school at all. I'm not gonna lie ... I had every excuse for why I hadn't enrolled. I didn't have the funds <- which is true. I didn't want to take out a loan. <- which is also true. I didn't know what I really REALLY wanted to do. <- that's changed. I had an idea of what I wanted to do with my life, but I wasn't sure how it was something I could do for the rest of my working days. I was scared to pick a career. All I knew was that I wanted to be in a field where I would always have a job and I could make a decent amount of money. I'm proud to announce that I have decided to go to nursing school to be a traveling nurse. I start back in January of 2011. I'm excited. It's like I have a new lease on school.

Moving Out:

One of the main things that I've been talking about since I started this blog was moving out. The hardest part about moving out is actually MOVING OUT. The fear of the unknown and being lonely has been what has kept me from really pursuing this dream. Not knowing if I can stand on my own and do what it takes to run a house has been something that held me back. Lately, I've really been trying to get my ish together. I'm 24 years old. If there was ever a time to move out it's now. I've found furniture and even went as far as to put it on layaway. I've been getting my credit together and I've been saving my pennies. This is something that is going to happen by my birthday next year.

Love:

Ever since I can remember I always had this fascination with love. I wanted to be in love. I was looking for love ((in all the wrong places)). Truth be told I was more in love with the idea of being in what I thought love was than appreciating the love that I have. See books and movies can give you a false sense of what love really is. I'm still in a relationship with ::Christian:: and I'm not gonna lie it has been a learning experience for the both of us. We grown though. It's not perfect by any means, but I'm happy.

The Homies:

I'm a God Mama!! I only have two friends up here and both of them have had sons ((within a week of each other)). Having God sons has really changed my perspective on kids. I love them but I realized just how unready I am to have some of my own. I don't have much of a social life anymore, because my friends are down for the count right now. I think I'm gonna join a sorority or something so that I can get involved in the community and meet some new people.

I guess I'll stop here. I'm really gonna try to post something once a week.

Another Year, Same Problems

2010-08-17T08:43:00.004-05:00

Another birthday has come and gone for me and the same problems I faced last year are still staring me in the face this year. I feel so defeated. I wanted so much to become a better person but yet and still, I'm the same. Nothing positive happened for me last year. NOTHING as far as me become financial independent or achieving any of my goals.

I want to do better. I just don't know how. I know that it takes more than just a thought. It takes action and determination. But I just don't know where to start. I feel like my life is in shambles. My mama thinks I'm a sorry excuse for a person. My job makes me feel like a terrible employee. My boyfriend :: Christian:: makes me feel like I don't make him happy, like he doesn't feel anything for me anymore, and it's because of me. I don't even like myself. I'm disappointed with the person that I am.

I'm in the double digit thousands in debt. I have no assets. My job has a dead end because I can't seem to progress there. I'm negative each and every week in my accounts. I'm not making enough money to live on my own ((which is why I still at home)) but it's evident that I'm not making enough to live at home either.

Once again I'm not in school. Hell I don't even know what I want to do with my life anymore.

My relationship is suffering. I feel like he's frustrated with me and he tired of trying. It hurts because I love him, but I know that he doesn't love me. My insecurities and my flaws make it impossible for him to be in love with me. I feel like he wants to leave, but he just doesn't know how.

I've made things so bad for myself. I don't even know how to begin put together the pieces. I don't know how to get my life back on track. I just want to be in a good place in every area of my life, but the more I try the worse things get. I just need some help .... some kind of sign to let me which way is up. I just to know that somebody out there cares, but no one does and it all because of me. How do I make things better? How do I make this the year of solutions?

Girl Power!! Monica

2010-03-23T12:31:00.003-05:00

One of my favorite female recording artist, Monica, has a new album, Still Standing, coming out today. I am so excited about this CD. I can't wait to go to work and coop it. From the snippets of songs that I heard on her tv show, this album is gonna be her best yet. I can already tell the Love All Over Me is gonna be one of my favs, and I'm bumping Once In a Lifetime and Everything to Me right now. I'll have an album review by the end of the week.

Blossom and Conquer

2010-03-22T13:44:00.005-05:00

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about myself, my relationship, and where I am in life. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not happy with a lot of the things that I do or do not have going on. I feel like I should have progressed farther than I have. I feel like I should have my bachelor's degree in some field already. I feel like I should already be in love and be on my way to having a husband. I feel like I should be living in my own apartment in Harlem, Atlanta, or even the Washington D.C. area. I feel like I should have a closer relationship with God. I feel like I should be financially stable. I feel like I should be more physically fit. But NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE SO .... right now.

Earlier this month I was really on my pity party ish. I didn't have any drive or hope. I felt like I was gonna forever be stuck where I am. BUT then something happened. 1st I went to a women's' conference that I aunt had put on at her church called "Why Cope When You Can Conquer?" See the problem with coping is that things never change. When you cope you submit to the issue. That's not what I want to do. I want to conquer my issues and go out a reach my goals and live out my dreams. Then last night I watched a sermon by Joel Ostein. It was called "Blossoming Where You're At". Basically he was just saying to be positive and to ask God to change my situation. When God sees you blossoming he will lift you to where he wants you to be.

With that in mind, I'm going to conquer these issues and blossom where I'm at. Because if God is for me, who can be against me??

So Far, So Good

2010-03-05T07:37:00.003-06:00

At this point, it's safe to say that I'm officially in a relationship with ::Christian:: <- He was the younger guy that I was talking about in my post awhile back. There are things that I don't like, but there are also things that I really "love" about him too. The good definitely out weighs the bad and I'm happy. He's the reason that I don't blog much last month. Shhh!! Don't tell him that I told yall that. LOL. This relationship thing is still kind of new to him and it's been a lonnnggg time since I've been in a committed one myself so, we kinda paddling through together. Because he is younger, there somethings that I'll just have to adjust to. I'm pretty sure he feels the same way about me. I'm hopeful that this will be something that has some real longevity potential.

Check My Fresh

2010-02-07T20:31:00.010-06:00

I am a fashion JUNKIE!! I love to shop. I love clothes. I admit it. Here lately, I have been on the hunt for shirts. It seems like no matter how many tops I buy, I never have enough. I love prints. I feel like prints really add something to an outfit. I found these three tops at Forever 21. <- I absolutely love that store. I will admit that it's easier to find cute tops online because the store is kind of "busy" to say the least. If you've ever been inside a Forever 21 store you know what I mean. BUT it is safer to go in just to make sure that you have the right sizes, because in some of the things that they have I wear a small and in others I wear a large ... it just depends on the material and make of the garments. I think these three will be a great addition to my wardrobe.

A Neutral Palette

2010-02-01T09:54:00.009-06:00

I came across this picture while fumbling around on FFFOUND! ((a picture site)) and I absolutely love this color scheme and style choice for a living room or little sitting area. The purple flowers really pop in contrast to the neutral tones throughout the rest of the room. I could see this type of style choice in my apartment. <-Which is coming very soon.

This image was found at fffound.

♥Beautiful♥

And So the Task Begins

2010-01-29T12:37:00.005-06:00

One thing that I've wanted to do for awhile now ((5 years)) is move into my own place. I've been keeping this hand-written journal for about a year now marking my progress which is been very minimal to say the least. After a string of events I have decided to really really put forth some effort into getting my very own spot in to world. I'M READY!! More ready than I've ever been in my life, and really it's a culmination of things that have gotten me to this point. My age, my relationships with members of the opposite sex, and me just wanting independence. I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I don't want to have ask permission or be threatened to be put out if I don't do what someone else wants me to do. SO, I've decided to move my journal on here: I'm gonna start with a list of things that I already have. I think chronicling my journey this way will speed up the process.

VCR (do people even still use these?)
Correll multi-colored plate set
ruby red charger plates (4)
silver rimmed plate set (16 piece)
poinsettia wine goblets (4)
blue stripped Main Stays plate set (16 piece)
kitchen starter set (53 piece w/ cookware, bake ware, cutting board, 32 piece flatware, & meat scissors)
tall gold rimmed wine goblets (4)
short gold rimmed wine goblets (4)
cook's kitchen set (cooking tools w/ measuring cups, grater, pizza cutter, whisk, ect ... )
standing fan
blue small bathroom trash can
multi- blue shower curtain
heavy duty shower liner
blue soap dish
blue tumbler
blue lotion pumper
white face towels (20 pack)
big bath towels (7)
blue toilet bowl brush
shower curtain rings (12)
Bissell hard surface vacuum
Linden cordless phone pack
body weight scale
glass drinking cups (4)
silver charger plates (4)
gold charger plates (4)
poinsettia napkins (4)
Oneida silverware set
Hamilton red blender
pink hanging closet mirror
cream dinner & salad plates (4)
Gibson white dinnerware set w/ serving plate & bowl (32 piece)

There is still a lot more that I have to get such as my big furniture like my living room set, my dining room set, and my bedroom set. As well as, comforters, DVD players, TVs but this me just starting and getting things as I go. I know for sure that one thing that I don't want to do is move into an empty place, because once the bills start rolling in, it's going to be a little harder to purchase things. Please comment and give me some ideas of things that I still need and good brands.

My Resolution:

2010-01-07T09:43:00.005-06:00

fffound

I've been spending a lot of time reflecting on where I was a person last year ((I do this every year)). I thought about the goals that I had set for myself, the places I wanted to go, & the types of relationships that I hoped to establish. After and all of that thinking and soul searching I realized one thing ... I'm still the same person that I was three years ago. Nothing had changed. I still weighted the same amount. I still had the same job. I still with lived with my mama. I hadn't got myself out of debt <= If anything I'm more in debt. I hadn't made 1 new lasting/meaningful relationship. I hadn't evolved.

My only resolution this year is to try to live the type of life that I've been dreaming about. I want to love the chica that I see looking back at me in the mirror. See to me, liking yourself is just not ending up in situtations that could end your life. BUT when you really, really love yourself, you have this confidence that nobody can take away from you. There's a joy that comes from loving who you are that can't be broken, even when your having a bad day.

Loving yourself is the 1st step to being able to truly love someone else.

3 Step Plan to Moving Out

2010-01-05T08:22:00.011-06:00

Ever since I began this blog there has been 1 that I've really want to do: get my own spot. Over the years I've done everything from price locations, look at furniture, dream up color schemes, but I never done the 3 things that are very necessary to moving out.

The first thing is get a better paying job so that I could afford to move out. It's no secret that even though I really am not passionate about my job, I afraid to get out there try something new. There are plenty of jobs that pay more money that I could get, but I'm scared of the unknown. What if I don't like it? What if I don't get along with anybody? What if they won't work with my schedule so I can continue to go to school? <=Those were the thoughts that I had, but as I get older I'm starting realize that where ever there is a will ... there is a way. I'm so determined to move out this year that if I have to, I'll do on-line and night classes. It doesn't matter if I make a friend at my new job, ((that through the grace of GOD is on the way)) I'm there to work. As far as me not liking it goes ... that's what I'm going to school for. To get a job that I will love, and if I get the RIGHT new job, which is one in the pharmaceutical field, it might even pay for me to go to school. I've got to try. This is my year of answers and results.

The second thing was learn to budget. This is skill that I'm starting to work on now. I've got to have this down before I step out into the world. Knowing how to budget is everything, when you live alone.

The third but perhaps most important thing was pay off some of my overwhelming debt. This one is self explanatory. All of my money can't be just going to bills. I'm gonna have to have some available to me if an emergency comes up. The only way I would be able to save is if most of credit card debt is eliminated. I'm working on this objective as well. The faster I pay my debt down. The faster I can have a room like the one pictured above in my little piece of the world.

This image was found at fffound.

♥Beautiful♥

101 in 1001

2010-01-03T08:45:00.006-06:00

Something that I've started doing this year is visiting other blogs regularly. <- I know that might sound a little weird, but up till now I rarely ever ventured outside of my own little piece of the blogsphere. In doing so, I found a lot of new ideas and numerous new subjects that I want to talk about. This particular post is 1 of the many more that I'm sure are to come in that respect. I got the idea to do 101 in 1001 over at Apartment #412's blog. ((Check her out if you haven't already. Her blog is really amazing. I love it)) 101 in 1001 is simply 101 things that I want to do in 1001 in days. It's not a resolution list. It's just a list of goals and dreams. Sometimes just writing your vision down will help you to achieve it. Here's mine:

Go to a spa
Move into my very own apartment
Learn to make three (3) cocktails
Learn to cook my favorite Italian dishes: Shrimp and Crab ravioli, Three cheese Lasagna, and Tuscan Chicken melody
Learn a craft like doing nails <- You can never have too many hustles.
Complete a pole dancing seminar
Visit some part of Canada preferably Toronto or Ontario
Go to the beach
Graduate from college
Work in a pharmacy
Join a sorority
Host a cute little dinner party see #3 &4
Go to Trey Songz concert
Start back writing poetry
Take a cruise through the Caribbean
Learn to swim
Go to Worlds of Fun & Oceans of Fun <- a local theme park.
Go to a Monica Concert
Make a painting to display in #2
Learn how to do a natural eye, a smokey eye, and a metallic eye correctly
Buy one really nice set of make-up brushes (MAC or Sigma)
Find the perfect mascara
See Maxwell in concert
Visit Las Vegas, Nevada
Go to an All-Star Game
Join the Black Urban League
Eat at an authentic Thai restaurant
Learn to sew
Go ice skating with my sister
Go to the gun range
Play paint ball with a group of friends
Acquire a group of friends for #12 & 31 hopefully through #10,11, & 26
Take a professional family photo
Go to Harlem, New York ((the redeveloped part))
Learn to make Double Bacon Eggs Benedict
Learn to make Homemade Vanilla Waffles
Try Star Fruit & Pomegranates
Wear a backless dress <= in black
Go to the Omega Ball for New Year's Eve
Buy the complete series of "Girlfriends".
Start using sea salt instead of table salt
Be able to see my abs when I laugh
Have a Sunday Breakfast feast see #35, 36, & 37
Get a massage
Have a game night see #2 & 32
Attend a wine and cheese tasting
Save at least $1000
Go to a Super Bowl party
Find a banging LRD (little red dress)
Get the perfect little Freakum Dress(s) for when I go out with the girls
Get a tattoo
Get my teeth whitened
Recycle
Take my Mary Kay business to the next level
Obtain 5 or 6 cute pant suites
Buy the complete Roots set: Roots, Queen, & Roots: The Next Generation
Learn to put on false lashes

That's all I can think of right now, but as the days pass & I experience life, I'm sure I will being adding more to this list. So checking back to see how my list grows.

If You Do What You've Always Done ...

2010-01-02T17:24:00.007-06:00

Derek Blanks

So ... Lately, I've trying something new => dating a younger guy. How much younger? A lot younger. Don't get me wrong ... he's over 18, but 21 is nowhere in sight. LOL If I wasn't diggin' him so much, I would be ashamed of myself. He makes me happy. I smile when I think about him. We have so much in common. Our lives pattern each other. It's crazy how we even think alike sometimes. He doesn't press or push. He's more calm and focused than some men that are in the age range that I normally date. He's open minded. Patient. Giving. Did I forget to mention handsome?!?! The man is fine. I haven't met anybody like him.

He scares me too though. ((I've never said that out loud, but it's true.)) Down in my heart of hearts, I feel like our "relationship" is some how unfair to him. Let's be real. I'm 23 years old. I'm trying to have something that is stable and has growth potential. My child bearing years are at the door. <=That's closer than around the corner. The next relationship that I involve myself in will hopefully lead to a walk down the aisle. As much as I like this man, he can't give me that. It would be unrealistic to think that he would. He hasn't lived life yet. He hasn't been to the club. He can't even legally take a drink. I know that a definite future is not something that he's thinking about BUT I am.

With all that being said ... I don't want to end what we have going. Plus, I have no reason to. We play very nice. We both feel a connection, so I have to ride this out. I don't want to wonder what would have happened. I want to know. Who knows ... He may even surprise me.

♥Beautiful♥

Happy New Year!!!

2010-01-01T14:38:00.004-06:00

So once again GOD has seen fit to let me see another year. For that alone, I am so grateful. I know every year I make this list of things that I want to do for the upcoming year, and for the most part I never do any of it. BUT as I get older, accomplishing my goals becomes more and more important to me. I don't want to look about and have a life full of shoulda', coulda', woulda, but didn'ts. This year I really am gonna do it. I'm gonna live out some of my dreams. I'm excited!! This journey has been pretty dull as of late and it's time to spice it up!! <= Just a lil' bit. LOL Baby steps. This year is fulled with promise and opportunity. All I have to do is go out there and grab it. I'm ready! My book has so many blank pages left for me to full. I'm anxious to begin this new chapter in my life. This year has already started out on a great note. Nothing but blessings and prosperity are coming to me. I can feel it. Oh yeah I'm about to start adding a cute little signature to all of my posts.

♥Beautiful♥

I Am Who I Am

2009-10-14T23:10:00.010-05:00

I've been slacking on the post all this year. It's crazy because one of my goals for the year was to try to post something everyday. I really wanted to be consistent with this, but I haven't been very committed like I should have been. I've got to do better :-P.

So by now I'm sure that y'all have read my previous post. Every now and then I have my bouts with low self image just like every other woman in the world. Some days I feel like the baddest bish on the planet and others I feel like a bum amongst super models. Do I love myself? Of course. But some days I just don't feel very pretty.

I'm going to leave the post up, because it's a part of me. It was what I was going through that day. I think that so many people fake and front like they never have low day. I'm a real person with real feelings and sometimes I get really down, but the truth is ... sometimes I do care too much about how others see me ((or how I THINK they see me)). At the end of the day, I have to learn to truly love myself. <- Not just like myself.

How a person views themselves is what radiates to the rest of the world. If you feel bad about yourself long enough it will start to shine through and others will feel an adverse way about you too. None of us are perfect. The key is to love yourself in spite of your imperfections. That's something I'm working on daily.

Changing the things that I don't like that are amendable and accepting what I cannot change. My flaws are what make me beautiful and ::Beautiful:: is who I will always be.

It's ME

2009-10-05T00:37:00.004-05:00

I haven't been out in the social scene in a long time, but even when I used to go I noticed that none of the guys that ever came up to the table where my home-girls and I were at ever talked to me. They never acknowledged me. EVER. I still had fun, because I was with the girls, but they normally got all of the attention. I don't know why it didn't bother me then, but now that I think back on it ... it saddens me.

I went out by myself for the first time tonight and it was just a total bust. I didn't meet one new person. I'm not even talking about getting any numbers. I talking about just meeting someone with whom I could possibly hang with. It just didn't happen. I didn't even get looked at. Okay they had to look at me to know not to sit with me or speak to me BUT I didn't get a single double take. I NEVER do.

I am the ugly friend that I hear so many jokes about in the comdey clubs. I'm the one that gets stick holding everybody's purse at the club. I'm the one that will probably end up having to baby sit everybody's kids that they can go out on dates with attractive men. I'm the one who always has to listen to the girls cry about how their men treat them, because I NEVER have a man to make preoccupied so that I don't have time to take their calls.

That's why I can't find guys that want to do more than sleep with me and leave me. They take me out on weekdays, because I'm not attractive enough to be seen with on the weekends. I'm ugly. It's time that I face the truth.

23 Years and Counting

2009-08-02T21:39:00.005-05:00

Recently I had my 23rd birthday. That's right ... The young woman behind this baby face is 23 years strong in the game. I haven't posted in a long time, because I've just been taking a "self inventory" of sorts. I've been looking at the woman in the mirror. Staring into her eyes and seeing MY soul in the reflection. I've been trying to figure out where I am. You know, come to myself.

There is so much that I've wanted to accomplish and experience that I still haven't done. I'm almost ashamed of the young lady that I have become. When you spend time with yourself in the quiet of your own personal space, you're forced to see yourself for who you really are. The you that you try to hide because you aren't perfect. Because you are unsure of yourself. The you that does have flaws and insecurities. The you that you are in private is the you that you can never hide from.

I am a procrastinator. I am not self motivated. I'm not the go-getter that I want to be. I would always take the easy way out if I could. I'm shallow. I'm a liar. <- I lie to myself everyday. I'm inconsistent. I'm a hater ((bet 'cha nobody else would admit that)).

I hide behind the things that I know that other people value in me like my hair. My smile. My take charge attitude. My short temper.

Those are all traits that I'm going to change this year. The first step is admitting what the problems are so that you know what you need to correct.

There is a plus side to this, even though that picture that I've painted is grim. As long as I'm alive, I have a chance to make things the way I want them to be. Starting from this moment I'm going to take steps to become the person I want to be. It's not going to be easy, but it will be well worth it. Next year around this time I'm going to celebrating the beautiful woman that I've become. With the help of God I know that I can do all things.

The year of 23 is the year that I focus strictly on me.

No men. No family. No friends. Just Me.

I Wanna See: I Can Do Bad All By Myself

2009-07-22T22:27:00.011-05:00

Tyler Perry has a new movie coming out September 11th called I Can Do Bad All By Myself. Now I'll be the first to admit that MOST of his plays that have been adapted to the big screen are nothing more than just that ... the exact same play with different actors on a movie screen, but this time, that scenario is not the case. There are more story lines to follow and more characters involved.

Here's the Synopsis:

When Madea (Tyler Perry) catches 16 year old Jennifer and her two younger brothers looting her home, she decides to take matters into her own hands and delivers the young delinquents to the only relative they have: their aunt April (Taraji P. Henson). A heavy-drinking nightclub singer who lives off of Raymond (Brian J. White), her married boyfriend, April wants nothing to do with the kids. But her attitude begins to change when Sandino (Adam Rodriguez), a handsome Mexican immigrant looking for work, moves into her basement room. Making amends for his own troubled past, Sandino challenges April to open her heart. And April soon realizes she must make the biggest choice of her life: between her old ways with Raymond and the new possibilities of family, faith ... and even true love.

Here's the Trailer

In Transition ...

2009-07-13T21:07:00.013-05:00

I'm sick and tired of the same ole', same ole'. My life has become so repeditive that I could go through my entire day with my eyes closed and function as though my eyes were wide open. I need some exictment. I need a change. I'm craving newness, but I don't know how to go about acquiring it. How do you break the cycle that you're in? I know that the obivious answer would be 'Just do something new'. That's easier said than done.

I got to just be honest with myself ... The problem is me. I don't have my ish together. I sway back and forth like tree limbs in the wind. I have no discipline. No structure. I'm trying to bulid a mansion on quicksand. It's a hard thing to admit, but I think that admitting to myself that I am the cause of my grief is the first step to being happy ((not finding a new job like I stated in a earlier post)).

For so long, I have played the role of a victim making everything and everyone the source of my hardships. But that was not nor will ever be the case. I have control over my life. I determine what happens to me. I know what your thinking. "It's not true ::Beautiful:: GOD has the final say," and that's true. BUT even then his actions are predicated off of my actions. They say it all the time. If you make one step ... GOD will make two. In even in that, my actions give way to what HE will do for me if I step out on faith and believe in HIM.

I know that is the case for every aspect of my life. From my relationship with my family ((specifically my daddy)), my health ((losing weight)), my finances ((paying off my debt and being able to actually save some money)), my education ((paying for school and even just choosing the right major)), my love life ((being with the man that HE has for me)), and even with my friends, I know that if I just submit FULLY to GOD and allow him to lead me everything else will fall into place. It has to, because where GOD is there is no confusion ... only peace and blessings.

If A Man Wants You ....

2009-07-11T18:11:00.010-05:00

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

Oh Lord!? If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships.... there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.

Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

** I read this on somebodies facebook page and thought that it would be something good to share with you all. Even though we all know these things, sometimes we just need a little reminder.

R.I.P Michael Jackson

2009-06-25T19:33:00.015-05:00

Michael Jackson has died today of cardiac arrest. Words can not express how truly saddened I am by his passing. MJ ((no matter what people say about him)) was a true ICON in music period. There will never be another Michael Jackson ever!!! We truly were blessed to have witnessed such an incredible entertainer do his thing. He had a hard life. I pray that he finds peace and rest on the other side. My memories of Michael Jackson will forever be great. Rest in Peace Michael The King of Pop.

The Rain Can Stay

2009-06-11T23:03:00.002-05:00

I'm ready about to contradict myself with this one. I know earlier this week I was complaining about the guys that I talk wanting to plant their trees in the grass before the ground was fertile, but I got to admit ... I really am bugging over here!! I'm definitely in one of those moods again. It's not that I don't want it or thoroughly enjoy it, I just want for us to have a foundation to stand on, before we put down our sex game. BUT spending all of this time with these failed attempts at something real has really let the months pile up. Now I'm feinding like Jodeci. LOL

With all the rain that we've been getting in this area, now would be a great time to a Boo-Ski to enjoy the weather with. Nah da mean?? I picked this song because sometimes I like it gangsta and they don't really do the Gerlad Levert ((R.I.P)) too often. They get down with the rap. I definitely rock with that!!

It's Like That?

2009-06-10T12:23:00.008-05:00

I am hurting right now. My heart feels like somebody just came along as give it a stiff kick. I know that I don't talk about my daddy at all on this blog, and there a reason for that. He hasn't been around. Somewhere in the depths of my heart, I have always held onto this hope that we could get back to being as tight was we were when I was a child. I would even settle for the closeness that we shared the first few years after he and my mother divorced. I just want him to be around.

I've never told anybody that. I have always just acted like I didn't care what he did, or if he ever talked to me again. But that's not how I feel. It kills me to know that he is out there living like me and my sister don't exist anymore. At first we used to get phone calls and multiple visits every year. When it was his turn to have custody during the summer months, he was there a day early just to make sure he got us on time. Now, if we don't call him ... we won't talk to him. We haven't seen him in years.

Let me get to the point of this post. My daddy recently got married for the third time. His first two weddings were just courthouse ceremonies, so I didn't trip that I wasn't invited, but this last one was a big church wedding. Probably that only real wedding that he will ever have in his life, and do yall know that he didn't even tell me and my pooh about it. If my cousin hadn't told my step-daddy we would have never found out.

Fast forward, so now we know. I called him and tried to make him understand how hurt I was that he didn't think it was important to include his children in an event as special as this. I wasn't asking to be in the wedding ((even though I felt like I should have been)). I just wanted to be in attendance. He said that he didn't send us an invite because he knew that we weren't coming. Then he went on to say that we could come, if we bought our own tickets and shelled out the money for our own hotel stay. Hotel??? What?!?!

I feel like this ... I'm your child, regardless of how old I am, you are STILL my father. You should have made sure your kids were there, even if nobody else showed up!! Point blank. Period. That's just me. But even still somewhere in my mind I felt like it would be a small affair, and I probably wouldn't miss much. My sister didn't give a good darn dang one way or the other.

So this morning I go and check my email and lo and behold my daddy has sent me the wedding pictures. This wedding was nice. They had a nice cake. Nice dresses. Nice reception. Nice everything. ((Now I know why he couldn't and wouldn't help me pay for school this last past year)) But get this: NOBODY FROM HIS/OUR FAMILY WAS THERE!! Everybody who participated was from her clan. Coincidence? I think not.

I cried as I looked at the pictures, because I should have been at that damn wedding. I should have had a camera full of pictures for my facebook and myspace pages. I shouldn't have been somebody that was just lucky that they got an e-mail with the pictures attached.

Maybe I Move Too Slow ...

2009-06-09T21:37:00.007-05:00

because all of the new I don't want to call them relationships, but for lack of a better word ... relationships have been ending in about two to three weeks because of the same thing. SEX. I don't understand it. Is getting know somebody before you give up the goodies a thing of the past? The Negros that I have been meeting seem to think so. After a week of knowing them (( I mean I'll meet them Thursday, and by the following Thursday)) they think it's okay to palm my booty like a big ass basketball and tug at my clothes. That shit is not cool.

I don't carry myself like a hoe. I look these young men in the eyes when I speak to them and when they speak to me. There's no lip licking, no tongue flicking, no thigh rubbing, and for the most part, no kissing. ((I might give up a peck every now and then just to let them know that I'm feeling them like that))

I don't dress like one. I'm wearing jeans, pumps, and shirts with sleeves. Minimum cleavage ... if any. Little or no make up <-- depending on how I feel and where we're going. But, I do rock the smell goods. Perfume or some body spray is just a must. I can't take smelling like nothing.

I don't hold sexual conversations in those first weeks. In fact, I make no mention of sex, sexual favors, sexuality ... none of that. I spend that time TRYING to get to know them and let them get to know more about me. I'm trying to figure out who they are and where they are in life. What their goals are. What kind of religious and political views they have. What they have accomplished and how that relates to where they are now. Parental status and relationship status. NEWS FLASH: Just because a man says he's single doesn't mean that he's not in a relationship of some kind whether it be just sexual or emotional. Having a Cutty Buddy is a type of relationship ... just in case there are some out there who didn't know.

There has to be an error in my process somewhere, because this happening way too often. I just need to figure out what it is.

A Night With Jagged Edge

2009-06-09T20:44:00.004-05:00

I'm so proud of myself!! One of my New Year's resolutions was to try and attend at least 10 events this year, and I have just went to my very first thing ... a Jagged Edge concert. It was at the Voodoo Lounge <-- That place was so nice. Two bars, with one on each side of the dance floor, nice lighting (( it wasn't so dark that you couldn't tell how you were talking to, but not so bright that shades were merited, because sunglasses are NEVER cool in the club, LOL)), and the DJ and event host were of the chain. The drinks weren't watered down either. That place could very well be my new kick spot.

When the concert started Jagged Edge came out with so much energy. They had the black is sexy thing going on, and I loved every single second of it. One of the twins, Brandon I think, lost a lot of weight and so I couldn't tell them apart anymore. They were really singing too. None of that lip-sycning stuff. They were dance and talking to the crowd. The only thing that could have made it better is if they would have pulled my 'so happy to be there' behind on stage so I could have slow grinding with Kyle. They did all of my jams except for He Can't Love You. Overall .... I had a blast.

Blaque Indigo Speaks Her Truth

2009-05-27T07:57:00.006-05:00

I don't know how alot of people feel about this video, but I'm in agreement with it. At least some parts of it. First let me start off with what I agree with: As a black woman, I feel like it is critical to let a black man be a MAN. Let him rule his castle. I think it's very necessary. The world is beating him up enough ... black men don't need to be boxing in the ring ((against the world)) and in their corner too ((at home)). I have to be clear though ... I'm talking about a strong, black man who isn't trying to leech off of his woman. A man that is providing and protecting his family. That's who this message is about, not the dead-beats who are just looking for hand out.

Letting a man be the head <- which is what GOD made him to be, is the only way for our family units to be strong. Trust that he will place your needs first when he makes the decisions for the household, but let him be the one to make the decisions. Know that he will do what is best for his family. Once again let me just say that I'm talking about a man who communicates with his wife and lets her express freely how she feels and what her needs are, and then takes that into consideration before making decisions. I'm not talking about a dictator.

Now let's talk about what I don't agree with: It was because of the feminist movement that laws were made to protect wives from being abused and sexually assaulted by their husbands, convict child molesters, and convict rapist. I also don't think that black women are sole reason that black marriage is becoming a thing of the past.

We may not need a man to achieve the things we want personally, but we do need a man to achieve what is necessary to build strong foundations in the black family, to uplift our communities and restore the the values of family into our culture.

I will say this ... I think that one of the real problems is that we sometimes as black women, don't know how to let our black men be strong black men. The simple, sad, truth is that most of us haven't seen the type of black family unit that Blaque Indigo is talking about. We don't know how to go about creating a strong, black, both parent reared family structure, because we didn't have it. As quite as it's kept, in most cases ... the type of family environment that we grow up in is the exactly same family setting that we create. WE sometimes make bad choices in men. WE fall in love with brotha's who aren't capable of handling the responsibility of being the head of a household. But even that isn't totally their fault ladies. Most of these men were raised by single mothers.

I know somebody out there is like, 'Well what does that have to do with anything?' The answer is this: Only a man can teach a boy to be man. Just like we were taught to be nurturers and homemakers from an early age, by taking care of our younger family members and cooking and cleaning around our parent(s)'s house. Young boys have to be taught how to provide and protect his family in only the way that a MAN can. WE can't do it, because GOD didn't make us the same. As much as there maybe those who don't want to admit, there is a problem in our black community. Blaque Indigo may not have a view point shared by the masses, but at least she has gotten people to open up dialogue about the situation.

I Do ... Well, I Want To

2009-05-26T21:23:00.005-05:00

Marriage is a beautiful thing. As a human, one of my ultimate goals in life is to BE FOUND by wonderful man, and the be woman he considers his gift from GOD and the bearer of his children ... his WIFE. I went to a wedding on Saturday and I realized something, as much as I say that I want to get married at the courthouse to save time and money that could be spent on a house or the honeymoon, I really do want to do it up and have a church wedding with a pastor and the decorations. The whole nine.

The only thing is ... to me, marriage is about more than the ceremony. This a life-time bond. When I get married, that's me promising my life to another person. I believe that we weren't meant to live alone. We are supposed to be paired with another person and have a family. That's the way GOD made us. My prayer is that my King finds me.

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T22:40:00.003-05:00

Happy Mother's Day to all of you wonderful women, who are there every single day making sure that needs and wants of your child(ren) are met. Motherhood is a never ending job. Enjoy your day ladies. May is be fulled with joy, love, and a much need time of relaxation.

I can't end this post without letting the world know what an AMAZING mother I have. She is so incredible. My mama is my very best friend. She's been there for me when no one else was there. She believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. She pushed me when I was lazy and gave me the confidence to go out accomplish my dreams.

Mama I love you .... I thank GOD for you

YOU Talk too D@^^N Much!!!

2009-05-06T20:47:00.009-05:00

Today was not a great day. Everything was running fairly smoothly at first. I was having a pretty good day then out of now where came a slap to the face. I was standing around talking to the chick that I work with, who happens to be kinda close with my newest ex, and out of nowhere she said, "You seem like your hard to get."

Let me explain something to yall about this girl. She can't hold the air she breathes. Whatever she knows ... She's gonna tell it immedately. That's just how she is. She only knows one dude that I have let get to know me on a personal level, and anything that is relationship based is always about him. ALWAYS!!

At this point, I'm thinking that she means hard to get with. Hard to come and appoarch. I reply, "I guess it just depends on the guy."

Then she asks, "So what? Are you saving it for marriage or something?"

Now I'm knowing that she's talking about the freak nasty. All that is running through my mind is, out of everybody that he could have talked to about that fact that he was frustated that we hadn't had sex yet, he chose to get HER all up in MY mix. That chick is my CO-WORKER!! I don't want her thinking about how I get down with my man.

It made me curious as to how much of our relationship he told her. What did he keep to himself? I'm glad that I didn't go farther then I did with him. The whole store would have known. That's what I get for trying to deal with a boy on a man's level, because a grown man wouldn't have put me out like. <- Okay that was low, but I don't give a f#cl<. He shouldn't have been putting our bidness in the streets!

Girl Power!! Chrisette Michele

2009-05-06T10:42:00.005-05:00

I haven't don't one of these in a LONNGGG time. With this newfound lack of self love that I seem to be experiencing lately, I felt that it was time to do a Girl Power!! post to lift my own spirit.

As of yesterday, my new favorite CD is Epiphany, by none other than Ms. Chrisette Michele. This lady here is, in my opinion. the epitome of Girl Power. Her songs are so real and she has a natural talent that very few are blessed with. Her voice is incredible. She doesn't need the help of back up dancers or skimpy little stage costumes. Her voice, live band, and background singers are enough to bring the house down.

I'm not gonna lie I slept on Chrisette during her debut, and when she came to town I didn't think even wanting to go to her concert. Man, I missed out on a truely great performace. But TRUST whenever she comes back to this area, I will be the first in line to get a ticket.

She has her own unique style and is just as pretty as the rest of girls in the industry, but she doesn't have to try nearly as hard. It seems to just come naturally. Home-girl lost a little weight too. I see you Chrisette! LOL I couldn't talk about her live shows and not give you a chance to see what I'm talking about. Check out one of my favorite songs off her new album Epiphany called "All I Ever Think About Is You".

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Me 'n' My Insecurities

2009-05-06T08:37:00.015-05:00

I am INSECURE. There I said it. It's a hard thing to admit. For the longest time, I wouldn't admit it ... not even to myself, but I am. I don't really have a positive body image. That's why I love the winter and fall months so much. I kind of handle the spring, but during the summer I'm rarely seen. I feel like I am soooo fat, even though people tell me that I'm not all of the time. I just don't have the body that I want to have. I don't look the way I want to look.

I guess I should start with where all of this self revelation is coming from. Five or six months ago while I was on the job I met this really cute ((ok, ok, he was fine as hell)) customer. I didn't know his name or anything like that. I just thought he was quite the looker. He was really cool. We flirted. We smiled. We joked. We kept it moving. <-- Everytime he came in that was our little routine.

Fast forward to last month .... I found him on Myspace. He was honest with me about WHERE he worked, but he withheld a little about what actually DID. He told me he worked at the stadium ((which was true)), but he left out the part about him being on the field PLAYING. He knew that I thought that he worked in the kitchen, parked cars, or something along those lines. I would have never guessed that he was an athlete. He was too cool ... too down to earth.

My plan was to not treat him differently, and to continue to act like I didn't know. It was easy. He was the same him, and I was the same me. So this past Friday, we did our same lil two step. He made a comment about my work performance, and asked if there was a number that he could call so he could give a rave review and get me raise. LOL In my mind, I took that as my cue and recited MY number to him. Smooth transition.

That was FOUR days ago, and I still haven't got a call. Before I knew what he did ... I probably still would be second guessing myself, but not as much as I am now. He's a professional athlete. He could have an actress, a singer, or hell a runway model. Somebody that overly beautiful. I feel so stupid for even thinking that maybe he would want to be with an average chick like me.

Here I am a regular girl trying to compete with video vixens and such. There are prettier girls than me at the club every night. Those are the type of girls that he hangs with. Not me. They're in great shape. Have flawless skin. Perfect make-up. I'm embarrassed. I feel like such a fool. Why in the hell did I even think that he would be diggin' on me?

If by chance he really was interested ... would our relationship be able to stand my insecurities? Everytime I saw him with a girl that I thought looked better than me, I would be uncomfortable. That would probably drive him away. Am I taking this way too seriously? Maybe I just misread the signals. I wanted there to be something, when in actuality he may have been just being nice. But then again ... maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit. Who's to say? The phone call that never came. That's who.

Who Says There Aren't Any GOOD Black Men?

2009-04-08T11:36:00.003-05:00

Good Black Men are indeed all around us. We pass them on the streets, in the malls, and the halls at work. Most we can’t see because we don’t know what a good man really looks like. He usually isn’t flashy enough or rich enough to turn our heads. He might not wear a suit or push a Lexus. He might not have a body like Tyson with a Denzel face. But, as you mature, you realize it’s better to find someone who’s got your back rather than someone who turns your head.

A good man doesn’t agree wholeheartedly with everything you say. He doesn’t just tell you what you want to hear and do the opposite. He doesn’t declare how sensitive, sweet, caring, sincere, etc. he is (he won’t have to because it shows). He has his own opinions and yours may clash, but he doesn’t have to degrade you to prove he’s right. He even admits at times to being wrong, especially if you are willing to do the same.

A good man is not going to meet every item on your checklist. He is human with frailties and faults mixed in with all of his wonderful, strong attributes. He needs your love and respect. He needs to feel that you don’t live to catch him doing something wrong so you can declare, “Aha! I knew you were a dog!”

A good man isn’t insecure about his woman having great achievements. In fact, he is her number one supporter and becomes disappointed with her when she begins to lose herself, especially for the sake of not hurting his feelings, or only wanting to make him happy. His happiness comes with seeing her excel in her dreams and accomplishing her goals. For as she excels and is exalted, a good woman will bring her good man right along with her.

A good man doesn’t necessarily give you a huge birthday or Valentine’s gift. He shows his love in the ways that are comfortable to him. Don’t judge him by TV standards. No one is really living a fairy tale. You’ll miss out on your own fairy tale by buying into the myth that our men are no good. It’s just not true.

A good black man is a man of his word. He says what he means and means what he says. His word is his bond. He never leaves you wondering if he is going to call or show up - he is dependable.

A good black man has a love and a heart for God. As his relationship and love with and for God grows so will his relationship and love with and for you grow…Our beautiful black men we salute you, appreciate you and thank you for who you are and all you’ve done.

-author unknown

Glued to the Tube

2009-03-30T21:25:00.008-05:00

((From Left to Right: Landon, Brooke, Pierre, Brianna, Bridget, Christian, Ashlei, and Jason))

Lately I've having a lot of free time and every Monday night at 9 I find myself rushing for the nearest t.v. to watch the weekly episode of Harlem Heights on BET. The thing that I like most about the show is that all of them are professional, young, fabulously fly, black adults. Most of them have college degrees and they seem to be living that type of life I hope to live once I get done with school. <-- Whenever that is.

Harlem Heights showcases a side of Harlem is upscale and extremely classy. I want to be there. Hell ... I'm gonna be there. ((Just maybe I'll get a chance at that oh so fine and driven Pierre)) Of course, like any other city in the world, Harlem has a ghetto. Jason is supposed to be the one on the show from the streets, but I'm here to let it be known that Pierre is from the hood too. He just choose to live his life a different way. I believe that shows kids from the hood that there is an alternative to living the hood lifestyle through education. <-- That's definitely what's up.

So here's the run down. Brooke and Brianna are besties. Bridget is Brianna's cousin and everyone's listening ear and support system. Bridget is also the narrator of the show. Pierre and Brooke went on one date, but it didn't work out. Ashlei and Brooke used to be friends, but after Brooke dated Kanye West somehow they fell out. Ashlei and Christian were dating, but they came to a dead end when Christian and Brooke made out at Ashlei's job. The only catch is that Pierre and Christian are friends and this "Brooke Thing: might ruin their friendship. Jason, Pierre, and Landon are working closely on developing a non-profit organization. So far, that's everything that been happening. I can't wait to see how this plays out and I hope there will be more seasons to come.

[[Road to Happiness]] Step One: Get A New Job

2009-03-30T12:06:00.014-05:00

Something that I really want is to have a better understanding of who I am as a person. I feel like life is an ever-changing journey. I'm just trying to figure out where I am right now. <-- Not as far as location, but more like in the grand scheme of things. I know that as I age and progress my wants and needs will change. That's a given. BUT I believe that the first step in being happy is knowing what you want. So, for the past couple of days, I've been trying to figure out what I want OUT OF LIFE. One thing that I know for sure is I want to get a new job. That to me is the first step to happiness. I want a change. I'm tried of same ole' routine. ~~I want more money~~ Scratch that ... I NEED more money. I want different responiblities. I want to be in a different type of work enviornment. I've been putting in applications left and right. I know that GOD is gonna bless me with one of them. I can feel it. I'm ready!

By Whose Watch?

2009-03-28T14:58:00.020-05:00

So, I've been away for a long time, but there is a good reason. I was living LIFE. I was dating a whole lot. I was laughing, grinning from ear to damn ear, and enjoying being me. ::Beautiful:: I didn't think that I would ever be the one to have a starting five, but I did. For a month I met, mingled, and even made out a few times. BUT that was a far as it went. Okay, okay, I got the green once or twice too.

After a month of juggling, planning, and sometimes sitting through the same movie three times ... I met a guy that I really liked and we decided to be exclusive. Looking back on it, we moved really fast. We talked for a week (( Talking is the very beginning stage of a potential relationship. It's when you get to know someone and decide if you would like to get with them on a more personal level.)) and then we became a couple.

For the first couple of days, I wasn't even sure if I had made the right decision regarding him. I felt as though we didn't know each other well and we didn't communicate with each other on a level that I would have liked. BUT I thought that He was so cute and had the sexiest smile. His eyes were just so expressive <-- like Shemar Moore's. I bent a little.

Fast forward, we've been together for a week and everything was cool. We'd went on one date and shared a handful of kisses. Okay ... two handfuls of kisses. It was his birthday and it made a full seven days for us. <-- Yes, I was keeping track. He came over, we chilled for a few minutes, and of course the make out session began. It went on for a hour or so and He decided that we should take it to the "next level". On the real, I didn't feel comfortable with it at that point. Like I said, I felt like we didn't know each other well enough to have sex. We hadn't been together long enough for me to see his TRUE colors. He seemed a little disappointed, but he accepted it.

The second week I was on "The Red", so getting down was completely out of the question, even though deep down I really wanted to. I was feeling better about "us" and we were starting to connect emotionally. ((Okay, I was a little horny too.)) But somewhere in the back of my mind, I still felt like it was too soon. So twice that week he accepted my wanting (in this case, HAVING) to wait. I guess at that point, his disappointment turned into anger, and he was complaining. He told me he was frustrated and asked me how long would he have to wait.

I couldn't give him a definite answer, because I didn't have one. I told him that I just wanted for it be right. I wanted to KNOW that he wanted to be with me and not just get some and be out. The days following our talk, there was a lot of tension between us. We weren't spending time together or talking on the phone. It got to the point that we would be sitting together at the same table and he wouldn't look at me or speak to me. That hurt me.

A couple of days later, He broke up with me. It made me feel like he was only after sex. I felt like he was saying , "If you're not going to fuck when you I want you to, then there is no need to even deal with you. You're not worth the wait or the time. I'm not trying to have something with you. I just want to screw you."

My mama always told me to hold out until I see what he's all about, but after this particular incident I was second guessing my decision. I really did like him. I felt like I studied long, and studied wrong, so when I looked up ... He was gone. I talked to a couple of my friends about it recently and it brought up a good question. When do you become intimate with somebody for the first time? What should the time frame be? He was down from day one. I wanted it to feel right. I wanted to establish a connection first. Did I make him wait too long? Or did I make the right choice?

New Year = New Me

2009-01-01T10:39:00.007-06:00

I know ... I know ... It seems like I just neglected my little piece of the boundless Internet world, but trust, I didn't. I was just on a little hiatus of sorts. Now I'm back, and feeling better than ever about the future.

Over the past week or so I had just been reflecting on the all of the things that have happened this past year. There was so much that I wanted to do, but never did it. I came across this list of things that I wanted to have done by the time that I was 21 ((I wrote the list when I was 18)) the other day. This list about 25 things on it. I only completed 3 things. I realized that fear held me back a lot in the past. There were places that I wanted to go and things that I really wanted to experience, but I didn't because I didn't have anybody to go with me and I was afraid to strike out on my own. This new revelation combined with the regret of not accomplishing more on my previous list has influence me to create another "To Do" List, but this time the time limit is by the end of the year. Here it goes:

number one:
Get out of debt

Ever since 2005 I have been fighting a losing battle with my card credit situation. I have had a total lack of discipline in the past with my card like I didn't have to pay it back. I saw that huge limit and had a field day at the mall <-- this was in my teen years, and I've been paying for it since. That is why the post I wrote called A Few Things Every College Girl Should Know, I was so adamant about young people not getting one. I think that should make people take a class on the how credit cards work before the let anybody get one. That would save a lot of people a whole lot of money.

number two:
Lose Weight

This one is kinda self explanatory. I went to the mall earlier this week to find a dress to rock to a local New Years Eve party, and nothing seemed to work out for me. I had to have tried on like 20 dresses and jumpsuits before I found one that worked for me. The one I found ended up being a black number. Not because black is sexy, but because black along with dim lights is camouflaging. I have to bring sexy back by this summer because when I go visit ::Brice:: in Miami I have to sash-shay around in a cute little two piece at the beach. It just a must!!

number three:
Go to at Least 10 Events

When I say events, I mean stuff going on in the city or surrounding areas that is advertised on the radio and t.v. This one is probably going to be the easiest to achieve. I'm determined to do this, because last year I missed out on so much, because I chose to be a home-body, or I was scared to go by myself. Not this year. Whether it's just me and my handy dandy digital camera or whatever, I'm going to get out and have some fun. Life is too short. I'm gonna enjoy my time.

number four:
Meet New People

This is another big one. I think that sometimes I put to much "pressure" on the people in my circle. What I mean is, my circle is small and getting smaller, but what I need is just some associates. People that go to different things that I just know from those particular things, like for instance, I joined this group called the Urban League the other day ((taking those first steps to making new acquaintances already)), and I don't think that they will any where as close or dear to me and the people in my circle, but they are hopefully just gonna be people that I network with and my just get my name out there. Plus, they can put me up on the happenings in the city, and even though my plan is to be brave enough to go to things solo, it is gonna be nice to see a familiar face every once in a while instead of EVERYbody looking like a stranger.

It all starts now. Today is day one. Wish me luck.

All Negativity Aside

2008-12-22T08:41:00.006-06:00

It's amazing how the actions that we felt validated by can become moves that we aren't sure about just be the gestures, facial expressions, or remarks of others. Sometimes our self confidence is crushed just because someone ((who means nothing)) doesn't approve of our outward expressions. NEWS FLASH: There will always be someone who will have something negative to say about any and everything you do. That's just how the world works. And since they're gonna talk regardless ... you might as well do whatever it is that makes you happy. Be confident in yourself! Your life is YOURS and yours alone. It's up to you to be happy. Surround yourself with people who make you happy. In the New Year, kick all negativity to the curve. When you acknowledge it, you give it power. It takes life within you. Negativity has a way of creeping into your spirit. Let positivity be your new way of life. Seek it out and abide in it. You'll be happier, and you'll realize that the only approval you need is GOD's and your own.

Peculiar Evolution

2008-12-16T00:00:00.020-06:00

"A word used to exclude is now exclusively used by the excluded, and with it, excluding it's original excluders, who use the slang to now gain inclusion into the group in which that group wanted to be removed from." - Dahlak Brathwaite

Man ... I love me some Dahlak. The title of this poem is the title of the post, A Peculiar Evolution, and it's about the evolution of the word nigga. This poem right is soo conscious. He came off so real with this poem and there were just too many good quotes to choose from this time around. I probably would have ended up typing the entire poem. He is so gifted, and did I mention fine? The man is FINE. He is another one of my favorite poets.

Snuggling Up

2008-12-15T22:20:00.022-06:00

The cold winter has finally set in and left a lot of love birds having to partake of indoor activities. Man ... I miss those activities. The cold is made for couple to snuggle up on the couch and hug up while out and about looking at the various light displays. During the winter months is when the most children are conceived. (Y'all knew that already) I get kinda jealous looking at all of these couples all over the place all the time. Nah, but for real, that physical closeness that couple have is part of the reason why the winter was always my favorite season. The snow is pretty, but the touch of man keeping you warm is way better. I got a few prospects, and I'm gonna have to step my game up real quick to have somebody before the season is over. Cuz during the summer it's just too hot to have somebody all on my booty. I'm like a dude, when the clothes come off in the hotter months ... I wanna be free to go out and play. It's terrible I know, but respect it cuz it's real.

Who Cares That You Got Money ...

2008-12-15T21:27:00.012-06:00

You STILL ain't CUTE!! Speaking of my main gig ... I was at work today and as I've probably mentioned before, we come into contact with a couple of professional ball players from time to time. Today just happened to be one of those times. A guy who played for our local pro team came in the store to take care of some money business, and I guess I had that starry eyed look because instead of him coming to me when my line opened up, he let people break in front of him until one of the older white ladies was available. That stunt made me upset. What? Did he not think that I wasn't capable of doing my job? Or did he think that I was gonna try to commit his info to memory and stalk him. I will admit that he gets a lot of field time and is very good at what he does, BUT there is no way I would follow him like some love sick puppy. I won't even approach regular dudes so why on Earth would I go after him? Nonetheless Mr. Pro all Ducks in a Row should have known that if I really just wanted his vitals that bad all I had to do was go in the drawer and get it later. None of that matters to me though, the man wasn't attractive to me <- He was okay, all that was special, that I knew of, was that he plays ball. The fact that he's famous makes me want him less. The average man won't be faithful, so a dude with a million dollars who's constantly on t.v. is 10 times more likely to bring me heart ache. Not even tryna deal with that PIMPIN'!

I QUIT This B!*@H!!

2008-12-15T20:20:00.009-06:00

Friday was officially my last day at my secondary job. I know what y'all are thinking ... Dang ::Beautiful::!! Already? Well ya damn right!! After only two days of working there, my professional relationship with them has come to an end. That in and of itself was one of the three reasons why I took my permanent leave of absence. I wasn't getting any hours. I took the job in the first place to two reasons (1) to have extra money to try to get a grip of some of my bills and (2) to use the discount to get Christmas presents for those who I deemed worthy. Reason 2 was fulfilled, but the most important reason was not. I was only getting one day a week and then I was only working 5 hours. What can you do with 5 hours making minimum wage? Nothing!! Nothing at all. That was the gas money to get to and from there. It was so not worth it to go in there the days that I did.

Another reason for my "sudden" displeasure with the place as managements bad ass attitude. They were soooo rude. Every time I asked a question they had something smart to say. They acted as if my time wasn't important. Example: I went in there while I was still one the fence about quiting and asked if we had gotten payed for the previous week. One of my mangers said, "Yeah, the checks are in the back." I said, "Well can I get mine since I'm here?" It was my day off. She said, "Yeah it will be a minute." I'm thinking okay it probably be about five minutes or so. 45 minutes passed and I still didn't have my check!! I leave come back and try to purchase some socks. The second ranking manger doesn't want to ring me up and when I ask him for my check it he is too lazy to go to the back and retrieve it. He sends back to the same chick who didn't it in the first place. By this time I have an attitude. I say LOOK I have somewhere to be I need my check NOW!! Guess how long it took her to give me my check then ... about two seconds!! Why couldn't she have just done that at first?!?!

The only good things out of the whole experience was that it made me appreciate my main gig, and I made one new friend. I know that in the past I have really complained about my steady JOB, but after this lil incident ... I think I'll stick it out over there. The grass was brunt up as hell on the other side and so not worth the trip across the fence.

Blast From the Past: Beyonce' - Baby Boy

2008-12-10T22:09:00.008-06:00

Just in case yall missed it ... I am a HUGE Beyonce fan. The girl is just that bomb and has been for a long time. She has a female swag that is insane. Just FERICE!!! One of my favorite videos from Mrs. Knowles-Carter is Baby Boy. I used really try to get those dance moves down. So it's only natural that it would be one of my Blast from The Past posts. I honestly can't believe it took me this long to put one of her past joints up, but trust ... this won't be the last. Enjoy!!

Seen It! Cadillac Records

2008-12-09T11:28:00.010-06:00

This past Saturday the family and I decided to just have a family day were we just hung out and enjoyed each others' company. This doesn't happen too often where mama comes along for the outing, but this particular time she did. My sister suggested that we see a movie and it just so happened that Cadillac Records was out. This is a biographical story about the founder and artists of Chess Records on the south side of Chicago. It gives credit to the true creators of rock and roll.

I gonna be honest. It wasn't the best movie in the world, but like any other ... it had some great parts. My guy Jeffery Wright who played Muddy Waters did an excellent job. This man has been underrated for a long. I'm glad to see that he's finally getting some time to shine, because it's long over due. Beyonce's performance as Etta James was good. I can tell that she's grown since her last movie. Columbus Short who played Little Walter, Gabrielle Union who played Gretta Wade, Eamonn Walker who played Howlin' Wolf, and Mos Def who played Chuck Berry, didn't have big parts, but they stole the show whenever they were on the screen. The most believable of the all was Adrien Brody who played Leonard Chess. Over all, Cadillac Records was a cool movie.

Artist of the Week: Mary Mary

2008-12-04T21:30:00.021-06:00

From left to right: Tina Campbell and Erica Campbell

We represent a great, big GOD who is excellent, so we like to think that our work represents that, too," - Tina Campbell

Mary Mary is the Artist of the Week. The group consist of two sisters, Erica and Tina Campbell. I love these ladies. Their voices are so beautiful and they use their gift to glorify GOD. I just heard their newest album "The Sound" and I love it. I like just about every song and that is rare on any CD these days. My absolute favorite song is the one I posted the "GOD in Me". Not only are they saved, but they are pretty. I say that because people often have this notion that if people are saved ... they can't be beautiful. Their fashionable and fly. <-The two are not the same. They show that you just because a person is saved, the don't have to go throughout life looking like a nun. I admire that. They are truly talented, and singing is their ministry.

I Must Be Losing It!!

2008-12-01T23:15:00.003-06:00

Lately I have been having baby cravings. I'll see a cute little baby with his/her parents and it makes me want one. I'm at the age when most people start to have children and I'm one of VERY few young women in my 20s that doesn't have at least one baby. ((I've never been pregnant either)) I know you're probably thinking what does that have to do with anything? Well, out of the people that I know who don't have kids, 98% of them have been pregnant and lost the baby at one point. Up until recently, I didn't even have a desire to have a baby, but all of my ex-boyfriends popping up and delivering the news that they either have a new child or one on the way, I feel like I might be behind schedule. I know that it's not something that I can change my mind about once I have a baby, but at the same time I don't want to be too old. I'm feeling like I'm ready. I want to have kids and I'm in the age bracket. I want to have a baby with somebody that I love and will be able to help provide and be there for our baby. I have somebody in mind. I'll give it another year and half, then I think I'll start trying to have a lil' man running around.

Book of the Month: True to the Game

2008-11-30T21:04:00.005-06:00

November's Book of the Month is another one of my all time favorites, True to the Game by Teri Woods. This story is about an "around the way" girl named Janel "Gena" Scott and her man, who happens to be the most successful drug dealer in the area Quadir "Qua" Richards. This book is one of the classics. It's a true love story and one of great pain and loss. I laughed and cried while reading this book. There is always a price to pay for the type of life they lead, and no one gets by with out paying it. From losing the people that they love, to be being betrayed, to having to deal with jealousy and malice at every corner, it gave a real life look at way some guys get into the game and the struggles that a d-boy's girl goes through. This book is part of a trilogy, but the other to aren't as good as the first installment. Trust me.

So Much Has Happened ...

2008-11-30T17:09:00.017-06:00

Since the last time I've posted anything. Okay, okay all of the "events" just started this week but what can I say? My stuff happens in cycles. For a while there will be nothing poppin' then all of a sudden everything just starts jumping off, and thus the cycle continues. Where should I start? I guess from the top. Bear with me, cuz this might be a long one.

Home Alone!!

This past Wednesday my mama went out of town to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with my step daddy and his family as well as my aunties back home. No problem!! I've never been one to trip about my mama breaking out and leaving the nest to me for a weekend. Actually, it's always a rather relaxing and confidence boosting experience. See when she flies the coop it leaves room for me to pretend that I live out on my own. My sister always goes over to a friend's house. I'm really living like I have my own spot. ((Except for the bills part)) I leave when I want to. I come back when I want to. Clean up when I want to. When the dishes get washed ... they STAY washed until I use one. The house stays clean. There's no fussing and complaining. I loved it.

Turkey Day

This particular time when mama took her temporary leave, I kept my little sister around. I love her dearly, and since this was Thanksgiving I kinda wanted her to stick around and hang out with me. Once everyone found out that my mama was going out of town, we got so many invitations to go to different houses to eat. No one wanted us to be hungry or feel left out. Little did they know ... even if we didn't get invited to a single place, me and my sister would have been straight. We just would have made our own little meal and been happy. BUT I'm glad that everyone thought enough of us and had so much kindness in their hearts to invite us anyway. But the end of the day me and my pooh were filled to the brim with food of every kind and there wasn't a dirty dish at our house. Now that is something to be thankful for in and of itself.

The 2nd J-O-B

So, I started my new job. Back in a past post I stated that I wanted to get a second job so that I could have some extra money and just to try to get a skip ahead of some of my "self created" bills. I wouldn't say that I just loved it, but I did like it. ((It's a job not a career so I didn't expect to just be head over heels in love with the place)) I met a couple of new people and even used my discount. <- Which is the real reason why I even wanted this particular job in the first place. I have a on going love affair with their clothes. By the end of the night, my feet were hurting so bad. I've never experienced pain like that before. I had to pray my way to car. I definitely need better shoes to make it through the holiday season over there. I still have my other job too. I can't wait for the checks to start rolling in. I'm so ready to be out of debt. '09 is gonna be the year that I get out of my financial strain. WATCH!!

Here and Now

This brings us to today. I didn't go to church. I took it as a day of rest and picked up my little sister, and we hung out. She is my best friend, even at her young age, we still have a great time together. I love her sooo much. I had a ball trying out the new GPS system that I bought at one of the Post Thanksgiving Day sales. I got it for a great price and works better than I could have imagined it would. I've learned so many new ways to get around it's crazy. My mama gets home today too, so I've decided that I'm going to cook a big dinner in celebration of everyone being together again. I hope that I won't be sorry that everyone has come back. This whole experience just make we want to get my own spot that much more. I love the freedom. We all know that freedom comes with a price ... it always has, but I'm ready to pay. I've got to get my own spot by this time next year. I'm gonna save my money ((for real this time)) and be out <- I hope.

No Money, Mo' Problems

2008-11-21T18:20:00.006-06:00

Yesterday was supposed to be a day of R&R. I was just supposed to chill and enjoy being off. It started off cool. Everything was going according to plan. Woke up, ate breakfast, went to school ((I'm glad I didn't give up on my math class)), came home, chilled, even to the wax shop, and from there it was just down hill. I was there for probably an hour or so, then when I get ready to leave, MY CAR WOULDN'T START!!! Damn!! Picture it ... I was on the phone, walking to my car, not even wondering of the mug it going to start. I stick the key in and turn the ignition, and what happens?? NOTHING!! Not a damn thing. Then I try to call my mama to get my insurance information, and my phone dies. I was so mad. It's 35 degrees here, and I'm sitting outside in the cold waiting for the tow truck. The tow truck finally came and the cost to tow and fix is gonna be $450!! Then to top it off I was stranded today and I gonna stranded again tomorrow. I miss my car. I'll never take it for granted again. But all of this makes me want to finish school even more, so I can get a better car, and always have the money to fix it. Yep!

I Hate to be a Nay Sayer but ...

2008-11-18T21:32:00.008-06:00

From Left to Right: Grady, Jacob, Anthony, Poppa, and Jared
Press Pause to Stop Music

I Don't Know if They're Going to Make It!! I have been watching BET's new series Brutha. I think that a few of the members are attractive (Grady has the height and Jared has a beautiful smile), but as far as them being a real power group like Boyz II Men or 112, I just don't see it happening. It's not because they don't have talent, because they do. Cheyenne a.k.a. Poppa has the best voice. If anything I think that will end up just like another group the tried their luck at debuting on BET ... Fatty Coo <- remember them? Didn't think yall did. I think having a show like that without Diddy in it is just a jinx, like newlyweds getting reality shows. Think Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. Travis Barker and whoever he was married to. I think I've seen that dude Anthony somewhere before. He might have acted in a couple of shows or something. Maybe they will grow on me, and I know that in the beginning stages their star power has to be cultivated. I hope I'm wrong because I miss male R&B groups. I will admit though, I LOVE the song that posted by them above. The men really can sing.

Press Pause to Stop Video

I might be eating my words sooner than later. I found these acepella joints after the show went off and they killed the Jodeci joint "Love You 4 Life" Ant was back there getting his grind on. Ant also killed this first video "Thank You" by Boyz II Men. They are very talented. There are two videos this time and they will play one right after the other. So just let the video play. They do a lot of advertising, but can you blame them? The music is well worth the wait, so wait on it.

'Bout This Paper

2008-11-18T21:04:00.004-06:00

I need MONEY. It's as simple as that. I have a lot of self created bills and my main gig just ain't getting the job done. A better summary would probably be that I don't have the money management skills that I need to make it on the salary that I have now. SO ... I have been trying to obtain a new job. I have a second interview tomorrow. PRAY FOR ME!! I really want to get this job. It will give me a %40 discount and I would have an opportunity to meet a wider variety of people. ((We all know that I'm a true people person, and if the looks are right ... an enormous flirt.)) Not only that, but it will be just what I need to get some of this bill knocked out. I really want to make a good impression tomorrow, because I think that this is the interview that really matters. I'm going to pray, go in there, be the best me that I can be, and leave with the job. I'm claiming it right now. The job is mine!!

Seen It! The Secret Life of Bees & Soul Men

2008-11-17T22:53:00.008-06:00

I saw two great movies over this past week. I saw The Secret Life of Bees with my little sister first. Life of Bees was a great periodical piece. I laughed and I cried during this movie. Every actress just became the character that they played. I didn't look at the screen and see Alicia Keys, I saw June Boatwright. I would recommend this movie to everyone. It was great. The person who stole to show to me was Sophie Okonedo. She played May Boatwright to a "T". I would also recommend reading the book before you see the movie, because they left a few things out that would shed some light on some of the things that go on in the movie.

I saw Soul Men on my date with ::Lamar::. Soul Men was hilarious. I laughed throughout the entire movie. Bernie Mac and Samuel Jackson together was just fun to watch. They played back up singers on their way to their lead singer's funeral. They did a few gigs on the way to make money, and they even had a groupie or two. To see Sam Jackson dance was so funny. He did have a little rhythm though. This movie showed a totally different side of Sam, than what I was used to. He did a great job. There is a lot of cussing in this movie so it's not one for the children. Grown folks you will enjoy it

Check both of these movies out. There are great for date night, or just to have something to do to entertain yourself. You'll be glad you did.

It's All a Game

2008-11-17T21:58:00.008-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about my current state of single hood. I've talked to a bus load of people of these past two years since I've been in a relationship, but I haven't met anyone worth settling down with. I know that part of the problem is me. My standards are a little high, but I don't think that they are unattainable. I know that it's all a game. Dudes just say what you want to hear so that they can get some, and we just say what they want to hear, so that they will do things for us.

But my question is ... When do the games stop? When do we just stop playing and be real with each other? Nobody wants to be alone forever, and having different people coming in and out of your life like a revolving door gets old too. After awhile I just believe that everybody wants to have the one person in their corner that they trust. Somebody that they know is down for them. And not just the fantasy them. I'm talking about the REAL them. The person that they are when nobody is looking. The person that snores. Not the person that wakes up early to brush their teeth then gets back in the bed before you wake up to make it seem like they don't have morning breath. Nobody is perfect. None of us will ever have perfection. But I do know that every person has somebody that is perfect FOR them. Lately I've been meeting a lot of men, but I want to meet that person that is for me. Where is he??

I like ::Tyler:: but I know that he's running game. He lives in my home town, so I know that he has somebody. And as quiet as it's kept and as much I don't want to think it, the person in the shadows might just be me. He's not a virgin, hell he has two kids. I know that he's sleeping with somebody. I know that it's not me. So who is it? I'm going to have a talk with him tonight. I want us both to be clear on where we really stand. I'm tired of playing games and feeling like we have to be politically correct with each other. Pretending like his baby mamas don't exist, or that I don't live a whole state away. It's time to be real.

::Grayson:: has become one with the wind, and is now breeze that has blown on down the way. I tried, but I just can't see myself approaching a man. Men don't wait for what they want. The painful truth is that he probably just doesn't like me. DAMN. It hurts to say that, because I like him, but I guess I have to just accept the truth. It's been a while. If he was going to approach me, he would have already. It's time to let it go.

Lastly there is this new guy in my life named ::Lamar::. Like every other older man that I've met, he has a child. The funny thing about ::Lamar:: is, before we went out I was sweating him like crazy. He sounded like a winner. He on the other hand, was playing me to the side so hard. But now that we have had our date. I see him as more of a friend. He is short as hell, and as shallow as that may seem, that is a total turn off. The only thing that separates a friendship from a relationship, honestly, is sex. And ::Lamar:: will not be hitting. I don't want to waste his time, so I guess I have two phone calls to make tonight. I better get it over with.

Girl Power!! Rihanna

2008-11-17T20:17:00.009-06:00

It's about time for some Girl Power. I haven't done one of these posts in a minute, so this long over due. The chick that I have chosen this time exudes so much star power, and she's only 20. She is a spokesperson for Cover Girl cosmetics. She is a trendsetter. Her style is bananas. Rihanna, in my opinion, is the female version of Kanye West. This chick is not afraid to take risk and be different. It takes a lot of confidence and swagger to pull off some of things that this chick makes look hot. This is just a Public Service Announcement: Everyone can't not wear the things that Rihanna wears, nor should they even try!! Now back to the regularly scheduled post. Her sound is very different. I'm not saying she has the best vocals, but what I am saying that she has the best marketing. She is a close second to Beyonce right now and is giving her a run for her money with being in the hottest chick in the game. She has come a looooooonnnnng way from her Pon De Replay days. That's for sure. LOL Her newest video Rehab is definitely pushing the fashion envelope and has a very edgy feel to it. Here's a secret ... I bet yall didn't know that she had already made a video to this song awhile back. This one is better.

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They said that Justin Timberlake was in the song, but he's not, but he does look good. This video has nothing to do with the song, but I still like it. I haven't seen anything like it before.

If You're Ready ... I'm Ready

2008-11-12T20:04:00.023-06:00

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"Are you ready to be in a relationship with me?" ::Ty:: asked me that this morning. I met ::Tyler:: about three weeks ago. He's not the guy that I would typically talk to. He's nothing like the guy that I said I wanted ((just going off of outward appearances)), but our chemistry is crazy. He's not ugly, he's just not the usual bright like a light, tall, no kids having dude that normally catches my eye. <- We all see where they are right now. One word ... GONE. When I met him, I didn't think that we would have stayed in touch this long. ((I know what y'all are thinking and three weeks isn't a long time. You'd be right, unless you weren't planning on talking to a person for more than a weekend.)) I met ::Tyler:: when I went to the Homecoming Celebration for the local university where I grew up. That's why I didn't think that we would work out. He lives there. But he has been determined. He calls me every single day. At least twice a day, just to check on me. He seems like he really wants to have something with me.

He's kinda older, and to be honest, I know that he's ready to find that one and get married. <-There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, all of my young adult life, I've been hoping meet somebody like ::Tyler::. It's like he knows me. I don't even have to say much, because we are so much on the same page. I feel him. I understand where he comes from and he understands where I come from.

There are only two problems. One ... I'm scared. I've said I wanted somebody that wants what I want. I even prayed to find somebody like him. Now I have him. I'm afraid that I'll do something to mess it up before it even gets started good. Two ... I lied to him. I know that might not seem like a big deal, but if we were to really have a future, it would be based off of a lie ... partially. I told ::Tyler:: that I only had one more year of school left, and he has been basing a lot of things off of me being done around this time in '09. I know that I'm not too far in to tell him the truth, but I'm scared. What will he think of me when he finds out. Like I said I told him that because I didn't expect him to be around as long as he has been. But the more time the passes by the harder it will be to come clean. He deserves the truth. Is it really that big of a deal?? When I get out of school, might not even matter that much to him.

::Tyler:: told me that he has a good feeling about us, and as much I don't want to admit it ... I do too. I kinda like this guy. I'm just trying to take it extra slow. We'll see what happens.

Artist of the Week: Kanye West

2008-11-10T20:09:00.014-06:00

Kanye West is the new Artist of the Week. Let's just be honest ... Kanye West is that bomb. Kanye came onto the scene burning it up, and he's still tearing up the charts now. From his first single Through the Wire up to his newest single Heartless, Kanye has constantly been bring the heat. His style, his swag, his music, everything about him is so unique. What I love about Kanye is that he's not afraid to step outside of the box. He's so talented. Gifted. He is a definite trend-setter. Some would say the Kanye arrogant, but in my opinion, he can back it up. Kanye has cranked out hit after hit, and has even found time to make a tight beat for other people. Now that's drive. His two newest videos have been directed by Hype Williams, and have been totally different than the norm. I had to watch Love Lockdown four or five times, before I understood what was going. Even the concept of his new CD 808s and Heartbreak is something new and refreshing. How many times can you truthfully say that you've heard rappers speak on their heartbreak much less make an entire album about it. Kanye is true to himself, and if he remains that way I think that he will continue to be successful.

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This Kanye's newest video Heartless. Peep the creativity and let it marinate in your spirit.

ATTENTION Black Women

2008-11-09T20:37:00.007-06:00

We are DYING. Young, black women are dying, and our mates, our lovers, our men are the killers. Black men are killing us. I know that it's not something as common or wide spread as AIDS or even cancer, but young women being murdered at the hands of their boyfriends, or ex-boyfriends is becoming an all too familiar way of demise for my African-American sisters. It's not something that was common ((at least to my knowledge)) when I was growing up. But as I have come into adulthood, this issue has become something that is always in the back of my mind. Every time I get questioned about how come I didn't answer the phone, or if the dude that I talk to wants to know where I went, I get nervous. He could very well be possessive, in turn jealous, and therefore crazy as hell. There are too many of us dying this way. We have to be careful. We have to be smart. Love or sex or whatever it is that you think that you can only get from a man is NOT worth dying over. Protect yourselves. It's a cold world out there, pray and ask GOD for guidance when it comes to choosing a mate. Let HIM place the man the HE wants you to have in your life. GOD will never harm you, and only he can give the man that he has for you. Ladies pray for a spirit of discernment. Pray the GOD keeps his angels of protection around you. My prayer for any lady that reads this blog is the no harm will ever come upon you. Let GOD's holy spirit lead you, and when GOD speaks to you, heed HIS words.

Blast From the Past: Kelis - Bossy

2008-11-07T19:01:00.009-06:00

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"You don't have to love me. You don't even have to like me, but you will respect me. You know why? Cuz I'ma BOSS!!!" - Kelis

I'm so sad that Kelis has gotten dropped from her recording contract. She should have just stayed with Pharrell and the Star Trek family. That was where she probably fit in the most. Bossy used to be my cut. This joint was my very first theme-song. When this song first came out me and one of my best friends ::Kristen::, had just started really hitting the streets on the weekend. We would listen to this song while we got dressed and pumped it as loud as the speakers would allow on the way to the venue. Man this song takes me back!!

Ya' Better Recongnize A Real Woman

2008-11-07T17:52:00.014-06:00

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For the past couple of days me and a few of my friends have been saying the we should have a theme-song. You know, just something that we play before we go out that will get us hype and put our swag at 10,000%. Well ... I'm glad to announce that the song that I picked has become our theme song. What is it you ask? None other than Turning Me On by Keri Hilson featuring Lil' Wayne. I'm sure that all of yall have heard it by now, but if not, then I'm glad to be the one to put the flavor in ya ear <- like Craig Mack. As I've mentioned before, I am a true Keri Hilson fan, and I think everybody loves Lil' Wayne. Before I even knew her name, I was feeling her material. So it only fits, that her song would end up being the one.

It's Official ...

2008-11-06T07:52:00.005-06:00

Barack Obama is the United States of America's 44th President!!

I am so happy right now!! When the announcement came that Barack had won, I was asleep ((like I had stated I wasn't going to watch the news every second to see who was ahead)) and everyone was calling my phone screaming and shouting in celebration. I think that every black person in America ,whether they were Democrats or not, was very happy that Barack won on Tuesday. I didn't post anything yesterday, because I was just letting it all sink in. A black man is the President of the United States!! Nobody thought that this day would happen, but it did. Even now I don't really know what to say. I'm speechless. Barack Obama has inspired so many people with just his courage alone to even run in the presidential race, and then to win on top of it. I think these are just the kinds of images that the young, black, children of America need to see. To be able to have role models like Barack and Michelle, is going to do wonders for the children of this generation. I'm and truly inspired by everything that has taken place so far. Like Martha Stewart would say, "This is definitely a good thing."

Now We Wait

2008-11-04T09:12:00.010-06:00

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You know what they say about the Early Bird right ... it gets the worm. Well it's safe to say that the earlier you go vote, the faster the process will be. I went to day was one of the first people in line. That in and of itself made me feel great. Young, black, and somehow I beat all the rest of the American voters to my poll. Don't say the youth don't care about this country! Now that I've done my part, I'm cool. I'm not going to look at the news to see who's ahead or any of that, because I can't change it. I'm going to get up in the morning and then see who won. ((At least that's the plan, but we all know that if the outcome is what WE want, I will hear about it later on tonight)). Either way, today history has been made. I just glad to say that I had a part in it.

Trixy Wedge Heels

2008-11-04T00:04:00.003-06:00

Lately I have fallen victim to being a compulsive shoe buyer. It's becoming a fetish if you will. Every time I see a pair of cute shoes I have to have them. These here are the latest to be added to my collection. They are Coach Trixy Wedge Heels. I got them in black. You can visit your local Coach store or Dillard's for the price. Pure Fire!!

This Type of Love

2008-11-03T23:39:00.004-06:00

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Man, I love me some Shihan. I know that I say this about all of his poetry, but is one of my favorties. It's called "This Type Love ". I was fortunate enough to have finally seen him perform live. He is amazing. I love how his mind works. His a Master with words, and he makes it seem so simple.

I hope you have this.

Any Time, Any Place

2008-11-03T23:32:00.001-06:00

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I'm in another one of those moods. Here's a lil sumthang, sumthang for those of you who are able to do something about it, or a little torture if you're in the same boat as I. I know this one is gonna take you all the way back.

Yes We CAN!!

2008-11-03T09:46:00.005-06:00

Tomorrow is the BIG and every single vote is important. It definitely time for a CHANGE, and we have to be the ones to insure that it comes about. We have to willing to do whatever it takes to make sure that our votes count. That means DON'T wear any campaign clothes to the polls. So as much as you want to wear to those OBAMA shirts, pins, hats, and whatever else they have made, DON'T! They will turn you away. Another thing is don't forget your I.D. You must have identification in order to vote. Also it is important that you know where you will be allowed to vote. You have to go to your designated area. If you don't know where that is go to your local dmv, and they should be able to get your the information that you need. Most importantly, be prepared to WAIT in long lines. Just face it, with this election and all of the history that is going to made, there are going to be LONG lines. WAIT IT OUT!! Pack a lunch and bring a book if you have to, but don't leave until you've done your part. VOTE! I can't stress that enough! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

I See Clearly Now

2008-11-02T19:16:00.002-06:00

It's been a couple of days since the whole ::Cassie:: and ::Dorian:: incident. I've had some time to think and calm down, and to my surprise she hasn't even tried to push me for answers. She saw me trying to put some distance between us and didn't try to close the gap. Now that I'm in my right mind, I know that probably more out of shame than respect for me wanting space. But that's okay. ((Tilts head to the right and lets out a soft chuckle)) I'm not even mad. I don't think that I ever really was. It was more of me being in shock than anything. Here I was thinking that I had a real friend that wouldn't even think of moving in or excepting the moves of a dude that I was feeling ((because a REAL friend wouldn't)). I guess the joke was on me. ((Shakes head and chuckles some more)) It's over now. If ::Cassie:: came to me and said that she was sorry ((can't imagine that happening because she's not)) I would forgive her. Not that I'm holding a grudge, you know what I mean. I would just let her know that everything is cool. We will NEVER be the friends that we were. Us hanging on the regular is out. Spending the night over the crib, wearing my clothes, knowing about my personal life ... all of that is OUT. Once you stab me I can never let you back in, but I do understand now, and everything is water under the bridge now. History.

Time to Do the Unthinkable

2008-11-02T17:56:00.005-06:00

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There are a couple of things that I am utterly afraid of experiencing. Rejection is definitely on that list. Okay ... It's no secret to anybody that I'm digging on ::Grayson:: and have been for quite some time now. In light of current issues with so called friends and members of the opposite sex, I truly feel like I have no choice but to do the unthinkable and approach him. I really like him, more so than any other young whipper snapper that I've met out here.

At one point, I was trying my hardest not to be attracted to him. He hadn't shown me any signs that would lead me to believe that he was even remotely interested in me. To make the whole ordeal even more interesting, I felt like he knew that I was crushing on him, and only pulled my heart strings when he was bored. That could make anybody feel like they were wasting their time. But out of nowhere, he started flirting with me. Awkward flirting, but flirting none the less. You know that 'You ain't ready for me' comment one day. The staring. Okay this is what is crazy, Saturday he caught me staring. You know me, I tried to avert my gaze. Today I caught him staring at me, and do yall know this dude didn't even try to look away. LOL. We just stared at each other for about three minutes. <- That seems like a long time when you're in church. It just little things like that, that make me not want to give up until I really just know what's good. I feel like he could probably be a really great dude. He already has the basic requirements on lock. I'm attracted to him. He's in church. No kids. Car. Job. Sounds like a true winner to me. I just have to know, so that if he isn't feeling me, I can move on. Until then I'm stuck mode. I heard this song by Luther Vandross when I was in my car and it made me think about our situation. I hope Luther is right about this.

Today I was going to approach him. I was ready. I didn't really care what his answer was going to be. I just wanted to know. Everybody was saying how pretty I looked today, and that just gave me the push I needed. I had my plan, and I was ready to set it in motion. So church is over, I waiting on him. Adrenaline is rushing, because I'm kind of nervous. And what happens ... Mama comes out of the wood work saying come on ::Beautiful::, I'm ready to go. Now this woman normally sits there when church is over for an hour. Today she's ready to in five minutes! Maybe it was for the best, but I really feel like this was supposed to be our day. I'm not giving up though, because this thing is driving me crazy. Mama says that he probably has been feeling the same thing, and doesn't want to get rejected either. She said to anybody that doesn't know, it just seems like I don't pay him that much attention. I've got to get it over with, by this time next week I'll have an answer.

Artist of Week: Usher

2008-10-31T20:31:00.002-05:00

I know that it's late, but I had to get this man in as my Artist of the Week. We all know him, we all love him ... Usher. ((Don't front!! You know you love some USHER!)) Now unlike all of these fair-weather fans out here, I have always been down with Usher. Even when he got married, because to me, an entertainer's personal life is just that, PERSONAL. And to be real and have a true grasp on reality, most of the people who where tripping about him marrying Tameka didn't have a chance of getting with him anyway. He was a fantasy that was never going to become a reality. ((Turn to your neighbor, look them in the eye, and say, 'Sometimes you've got to know what's real.')) I'm glad that he's happy, because I believe everybody deserves to love and be loved by whoever they want. Deal with it. Now the real reason why I'm loving this man right now is because not only is he sexy but he is very "conscious" as well.

SEXY

Trading Places

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Now even if you thought that Usher had lost his swagger, be honest with yourself, when you saw this video you thought DAMN this is hott. I love that lil dance on the get it, get it part. This is just a sexy video. After seeing this I dug the song more. Deep down, I think that every once in awhile, a man really wants this type of scenario to happen to him. Look at Usher, dropping knowledge to the ladies on the sly.

CONSCIOUSHush
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In this new video he just put out called Hush, we see his more conscious side. For those of you who are wondering what conscious is, it simply means that he was aware of the issues that are going on in the world and is making a song about it. It's a song with a message. I've never really seen Usher come out with a conscious that was just him and not a collabo. I'm very much impressed. I'm even more impressed by him going out and getting involved with getting young people out to vote. This side of him is also very hott, just in a different way. I love a multifaceted man.

I Must Be Cursed

2008-10-29T19:33:00.009-05:00

I think that there is a curse on my life. Nothing that I touch seems to prosper. Nothing is going right in any area of my life. I don't know what I've done to bring this upon myself, but I'm tired. I don't want to be the person looking around and realizing that my life is in shambles. That nothing that I desire can come into fruition. I'm feeling so down. Miserable. Defeated. DAMN!! ((sighs))

It all started this morning. I was on my way out the door when my step daddy asked me to make up the bed for him. Like I said, I was already on my way out, so I told him that I couldn't do it today, but to have my little sister do it when she got home. "Okay .... don't worry about it. It's cool" he said. I could tell that he was upset, but I was already gonna be late. Fast forward a couple of hours. I get out of class and call mama just see how her day was going and she asks me if ::Miles:: <- my step daddy had asked me to make up the bed. I told her yeah, but that I had something to do after class and wouldn't be home and for him to have my sister do it. She broke out into this tirade of how he does so much me and never asks me for anything and the one time he does ... I turn him down. The truth was I know that he does a lot for me. He treats me better than my really daddy has ever treated me, but this ONE time I had other things to do. I never turn him, because he is so good to me and my sister. I hated how mama was trying to be the guilt trip on me. It worked ... I cancelled what I had to do and came home and remade the bed.

I dropped out of school today. I looked at all of my scores in the one and only class that I am taking and figured it would be best for me to drop it instead of flunking out. My teacher told me that I still had a chance to pass the class, but I was so lost today and had been for quite some time, that I didn't feel like I could catch up by next Thursday and be prepared for the test. Maybe I gave up too soon. I think I'll go in tomorrow and see if we can postpone my dropping the class until after we see how I'm going to do on this test. Who knows I might surprise myself and pass it. <-Wishful thinking.

When I got to work I was still feeling kind of okay. I wasn't the happiest camper, but I wasn't a grouch either. I had been at work for about 30 minutes when I got called to the office. I was thinking to myself this can't be for anything bad. Hell, I just got back from vacation. I haven't done anything yet. I make myself comfortable on the chair and waited for the managers to come in. They get in and they tell me that they want to talk about the return I took back before I left. Again? I talked to someone about it before I went on vacation and they assured me that it was just going to be seen as a mistake. They all looked shocked. They couldn't renege on what another member of management had already told me, but I know that this is the day that I was going to get fired, because whenever they pull you into the back office that is what it means. Only by the grace of GOD I made ::Daniel:: talk to me before I left, or else today I would have been the day I became jobless.

The biggest slap in the face of the day came from ::Cassie::. As I've mentioned in other post I have a huge crush on this customer that always comes in named ::Dorian::. How about today ::Cassie:: came to me and was like I have to talk to you about something. OKAY, what's up. I've gave ::Dorian:: my number the other day and now we're talking. That bit of information was like a stab in the heart to me. It's not like ::Dorian:: is somebody that I used to have a crush on. He's somebody that I'm feeling NOW. I tried to smile and be okay with it, because I didn't want to come off as a hater, but I am mad at her for not respecting my feelings. It wasn't like she didn't know. I told her on the regular how I felt about ::Dorian:: and she would always ridicule my affections for him. Calling him dusty and a bum. I leave for the weekend, come back, and now they are together. DAMN!!! In the process of them hooking up, I lost a friend, because there is no way that I be around somebody who doesn't care about how I feel.

What else can go wrong?

What A Weekend

2008-10-28T14:57:00.030-05:00

This past weekend, I went back to my home town for the local university's annual homecoming event. I have to be honest at first I was hesitant to even go because I usually don't have that much fun. All we do is hang around the house and watch t.v. while everyone else is out shaking their bom-boms. But this time it was totally different. I hung out with one of my play cousins ::Leah:: ((I call her a play cousin because we've been friends since forever first started and I know basically all of her family ... so that makes us family)), and I had a blast!! I figured out that I'm the jinx when it comes to going out though, because we could never find a place to go, but by the end of the trip I think that the hex was broken, because we got in somewhere for free. Yay us!!

From the Jump

My first few minutes of the car when we arrived I got sooooo many hollas. It left me kind of confused because I was like I come home for 5 minutes and get 4 numbers, but when I'm at the crib I can't even get ::Grayson:: to acknowledge my presence. Hummmm. Needless to say I was feeling real good. That pumped my ego up two notches. That's not even it though, how about they all lived in L-town, but all wanted to kick it with me to the point of them driving down just to see me for a couple of hours. The dudes up here a nothing like that. Maybe that's why I'm single. I chopped it up with each of them for a few hours, until I got in touch with ::Leah::. Once we finally met up, we went out on the town. Now like I said earlier I was the jinx. We got into one party and it was garbage, but I had already had a few splashes of that happy juice so I was very cool. I made my own fun, and as lame as this may seem, I really liked just riding around looking at all of the hooked up old schools, because they really don't do it like that where I live now. I skirted and flirted with a few dudes and that was the end of day one.

Parading Around

The next morning was the day of the parade. ::Leah:: didn't accompany me to the parade, and to be honest that was cool, because if she had I know fa' sho' that I wouldn't have ran into my ex ::George::. Let me set it up for yall, I was just walking around at the parade because I never really much cared for them to begin with. A couple of dudes did the usual hand grab or swooped their arm around my waist as I looked for my sister, and I didn't think too much of it. I was polite, but didn't exchange contact info. So I'm eyeing this tall, bright like a light, sexy, specimen of a man when I realize 'Oh snizzle fizzle!! That's ::George::!!' He was looking so right, I had to say something. I walked up behind him and whispered in ear "You are sexy as hell". He turned around, saw it was me, and was mine for the rest of the parade. Now keep in mind that I did say ex so there was a reason why we didn't work out, but he was so fine, I couldn't remember what that reason was.

Let the Game Begin

After I left the parade it was time to hit up the football game. Now I'm going to be real ... I don't know the first thing about football, and I don't really care. But there I was walking around trying to be seen. Taking pictures. Looking lost. <- I went into the game with ::John:: but somewhere around the second quarter, I lost him. I looked up and he was gone. Buster left me high and dry. I didn't really enjoy the game, and half time was average. I could have saved my $15, and used it for something else. The only plus was that I saw a few old friends.

Y- Not?

After surviving the game, it was once again time for me and ::Leah:: to hit the streets. The first party that we hit up was packed to the max. It was so full that the local sheriffs had to come and make sure that they didn't let anymore people in and break the fire hazard codes. We really wanted to get into that party. Luckily we had a Plan B. Y-Nots. At first we had passed on going there because they were charging $20 a head, but when we went back the second time, they let us in for free. That made the night all worth while. I had fun once again.

Can I Come Over

Sunday was pretty straight. I hit up L-town with the family {{which always consist of us going to Lane Byrant and Golden Corral}} and then headed back to the house for a quick nap around 9p.m. Around 10 p.m. I still hadn't been able to get in touch with ::Leah:: so I hit up all of the people that I hadn't seen and made it a priority to see them before I left on Monday. I was over my homie :: Donna's:: house and this guy she knows named ::Marcus:: invited her over. The only problem was that it was about 1:30 in the morning. We're all grown ... we knew what time it was. Or at least I knew. She agreed and told him that she was bringing me and at first it wasn't a problem, but after about 10 minutes he called and said that he forgot the he had to go to work at 5a.m. and tried to reshedule. The only thing was that we were already outside. So we go in and the only person really talking him, and occasionally me. I think ok, he is cute and he seems cool. If he tries to holla, I'll give him the digits. Before, I could get a mikey, fikey word in when it was time to go ::Donna:: volunteers that ::Beautiful:: is leaving in the morning and doesn't come home much. Where in the hell did that come from? My homie threw salt in my sugar. Dang!!

Over and Out

Around noon, we headed back and I made it to the crib in record time. Home sweet Home. Yeah I missed it and am so glad to be back.

I Wanna See ...

2008-10-22T21:12:00.007-05:00

Lately I become a movie buff. I have been hitting of the movies every week. These little outting are getting rather expensive seeing as to how I don't have a man to buy my movie tickets. That is a whole 'nother story in and of itself, but N-E way there a few movies that I haven't seen, but have been hearing some rave reviews about: The Express and The Secret Life of Bees.

The Express is a bio-pic about the late Erine Davis (Rob Brown), two-time All-American running back for Syracuse University who led his team to the national championship in 1960. In 1961, he became the first black man to win the Heisman Trophy. Later that year, he was the first pick in the NFL draft. But Davis never got the chance to play professional football, he was diagnosed with leukemia during the summer of 1962 and died nearly a year later at the age of 24.

The Secret Life of Bees is a book turned movie. Set in South Carolina in 1964, the tale of Lily Owens (Dakota Fanning), a 14-year-old girl who is haunted by the memory of her late mother. To escape her lonely life and troubled relationship with her father, Lily flees with Rosaleen (Jennifer Hudson), her caregiver and only friend, to a South Carolina town that holds the secret to her mother's past. Taken in by the intelligent and independent Boatwright sisters: May (Sophie Okonedo), June (Alicia Keys), and August (Queen Latifah), Lily finds solace in their mesmerizing world of beekeeping, honey, and the Black Madonna.

5lbs and Counting

2008-10-22T20:47:00.005-05:00

Earlier this month, I decieded that I want to try to lose some weight before I went back home for local university's homecoming celebration. Well drum roll please!! I did! I didn't lose as much as I wanted to, but I did lose some. I so happy right now. Just losing a little bite of the weight has given me the drive to continue on. It let me see that I COULD do it, and if I remain commited to losing weight [I won't say dieting, because it really is a lifestyle change] I know I will reach my goal. I'm proud of my small victory. It gave me the push I needed.

I Can Feel the Change

2008-10-22T20:14:00.008-05:00

I'm not myself anymore. The old ::Beautiful:: has vanished. Thus leaving a shell of the person I was. I don't care about things the way I used to. What people think and in some cases, how they feel has become a low concern. I don't even have the same joy that was once abundant in my life. By that I mean the genuine happiness that was once so prevalent. To be honest, I don't know what happened to me, but somewhere along the line I changed. I became somebody that I don't even know. Who am I? Do I even want to go back to being the person that I used to be? <- Now those are the real questions.

Book of the Month: Their Eyes Were Watching GOD

2008-10-21T00:04:00.005-05:00

"Love is a movin' thang, and it's different on every shore." - Janie from Their Eyes Were Watching God

October's Book of the Month is Zora Neale Hurston's Their Eyes Were Watching GOD. The book is about a woman named Janie, and her attempts at find true love throughout her life. In the end she finally finds it in a man about 11 years younger than her named Vergible Woods better known as Tea Cake. I'm gonna be honest, I watched the movie (which was produced by Oprah and starred Halle Berry and Micheal Ealy) and fell in love with it before I actually sat down and read the book. Another truth is that if I hadn't had to read this novel for my African American Lit. class I probably wouldn't have read it, because I was very much satisfied with the movie. I am glad I did because the book went into much more detail than the movie did, which I'm finding out is always the case with books turned movies.

Not Again! The Battle Before the Breakthrough

2008-10-20T22:40:00.011-05:00

I was at church yesterday, and my Bishop said that this was our time. He said that it was time for us to stop crying, and the GOD was going to bless us. I received the words from the man of GOD and was feeling real good. We all know that you have to go through something sometimes in order to receive what GOD has for you.

I don't what the dealy is with the older woman and some of the young ducks on my job. I'm starting to feel like they are really trying to get me fired. (At first it was just a thought, but now I feel it) Real talk. It seems like every week since I got my promotion, there is always something that happens that will have my job in jeopardy. I will admit that I had made a mistake on one of my transactions. I'm human ... it happens. I don't think that making one mistake in four years would constitute me losing my job. By the grace of GOD my manger didn't think so either. ::Cassie:: had gave me the heads up, so that I wouldn't be surprised a few minutes before I got to work. The only thing that really bugged me about the entire situation (because it really was a situation) was that the incident occurred on Saturday, I was off Sunday, but when I came in today, the whole office knew about my situation EXCEPT me. You know how everyone gives you that look when they know you're in trouble but you don't. They all thought that I was going to get fired, but they thought wrong!

GOD looks out for his children <- Believe that! No weapon formed against me shall prosper.

Artist of the Week: Beyonce

2008-10-19T21:37:00.012-05:00

Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)
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Once again it is time for the new Artist of the Week and of course it would have to be my girl Beyonce. She is one of my favorite female entertainers. To be honest, I have really been working on the new dance steps she has in the Single Ladies video. Rumor has it, that she did that entire video in just ONE take!! That is talent. I'm also loving her other new video If I Were a Boy. It's another one of those videos that just goes so perfectly with the song. It's the visual to the story, if you will. I can't wait for her new album, I Am ... to drop next month.

If I Were A Boy
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It just wouldn't be fair to not post both videos, so that you can see what I'm talking about. It was so clever how they switched it up too.

Pretend the Gutter is Down the Middle

2008-10-19T21:28:00.004-05:00

So Saturday afternoon I went bowling with my choir from church, and I never had such a bad game in all of my life. On the first game, I scored 39 points. I was just hitting gutter after gutter. I couldn't believe how bad I was doing. I was so embarrassed, but I had to play if off, so I just laughed at myself. The worst part was that ::Grayson:: was there, and of course he was hitting strike after strike. We were on the same team, and he tried to encourage me talking about, "Just pretend that the gutter is in the middle." ((insert pitiful look here)) At least his was paying attention. I don't know what it is, but my light never shines when he is around. His light is the ultimate bright, but mine is always dim when he's looking. I hate that. He never sees me do well. I'm either throwing up air balls or getting gutters at the lanes. DANG!! I wish just once he could see the real me. The me that succeeds at something. The me that I really am.

Letting It Go

2008-10-19T20:49:00.008-05:00

Man!! I'm starting to feel like GOD doesn't want me to be with anybody right now. Okay, I admit, before I found out about ::Dude's:: age I was hopeful that maybe, I had found somebody worth spending my time with. [[We all know that time is one of the only things that a person can never get back.]] I got to confess something right now. I'm giving up!! For real, I'm done. I am starting to feel like I don't have a choice. Perhaps the reason that I'm alone is so that I can accomplish something. I'm not sure what, but I want to do whatever it is so that I can receive the desires of my heart. Let's be real, when a person is in a "serious" relationship, their focus is on making the relationship work. That requires a lot of time, and the fact of the matter is, we're all given the same 24 hours in a day. What we do with our time, however is what makes us or breaks us. Maybe it's for me to concentrate solely on school, before I really get involved with someone, or better yet, I might need to do what we all say that we're gonna do and just wait on GOD to send me the person he has for me. Because as I heard in church once, the heart is deceitful and wicked, but GOD won't do you dirty. He won't send you somebody that you can't be faithful to. Meaning he will give to what you need, but HE'll give what you're attracted to also. And what so ever GOD has put together, no man or woman, can break it up. <-I believe that.

You Can't Be Serious

2008-10-14T10:21:00.014-05:00

So I was at the mall Saturday with mama. We had a pretty cool time, just the two of us hanging out finding some winter clothes for my lil' sister. We were on our way out and these two guys stopped us. So me and mama turn around trying to see who was trying to get our attention and they come up. They look okay ... nothing to write to the mayor about, but cool. They both have about million tattoos, a few golds, but I'm like I can get with it, because that used to be my prefernce. So the first dude tries to get at my MAMA! I looked confused, because I was. He had the nerve to say why would I want the basement (referring to me) if I could have the master bedroom. So the other guy was that there tried to strike a conversation with me. I wasn't really feeling it, but I was like I'm not really talking to anybody right now, so what can it hurt. I give him the number.

Sunday he calls, and at first the convo is real cool. About 20 minutes or so into the journey of discovering who he is, Dude says, "So yeah, my birthday is on Christmas." I'm like oh yeah ... how old will you be, even though on the previous day he had already told me that he was the same age as me, 22. But his replies, "I'll be 20." 20??? I thought you said that you were the same age as me. Dude then replies, "I thought you said that you were 20 and I said that I was 20 too." <-LIAR!! So at this point I'm ready to hang up and not talk to this child again. My age limit is 22. I prefer that the dude is not younger than me. So I talk to mama about it and she says to give him a chance. I ask my home-girls (because they have all been in situations similar to this) and they say the same. ::Leah::, ::Whanda::, ::Kendell::, all but ::Cassie::, who says hell no! Don't do it!

So I decide to give the dude a chance. I figure we'll at least be "phone friends" if nothing else. I call and this dude doesn't give me info about himself. After about an hour and 45 minutes I don't know any more about Dude than I did at first. Every question that I asked was too personal. He didn't feel comfortable telling we ANYTHING! But get this at the end of the conversation, he says "I really enjoyed talking to you. I hope that when I call you tomorrow, you'll answer the phone." Right.

Fast forward to yesterday. Like a nut, when he called I answered the phone, but I decide that he would be the one to lead the conversation so that way we would only talk about things that he would feel comfortable talking about. How about this dude didn't say anything for about 10 minutes. I mean complete silence. Dead air. I ended up asking him, "So am I going to get some conversation out of you today?" He came with the lame excuse that he feels more comfortable talking in person than he does on the phone. In my mind I'm thinking your last name is too personal, but where you live isn't? That makes no sense. He asks me to come and visit him on Thursday <- He doesn't have a car, so he can't come see me. He is loony. I don't know this dude but he thinks I'm coming to his house. ((Shaking my head and rolling my eyes)) I don't get this young guys today.

My Night at Premeire

2008-10-11T01:47:00.007-05:00

Once again me and ::Cassie:: made our weekly trip to the local bowling alley. {{smiling}} I had the best game that I ever played. My final score was 459!! <- after four games. Yay me! I'm getting better and better with each passing week. Professional bowling league here I come!

I Got a C.R.U.S.H.

2008-10-10T20:49:00.007-05:00

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It's official everybody. I have crush on somebody new. He name is ::Dorian:: and I have an off again on again imaginary "love affair" with this man. At first I just thought he was cute, but as I get to know more about him, I like him more and more. Hence the newfound crush. Truthfully, I don't know if he is feeling me or ::Cassie:: ... or maybe he likes us both and is just trying to wait it out to see which one of us takes an interest in him. ::Cassie:: says that she's not feeling him ((Yeah right. She slipped up and called him fine today. She didn't think that I heard it, but I did.)), but I got a thang for a dude in a wife beater and basketball shorts, To me, it's like the equivalent of me wearing a bathing suit. It shows just "enough" and leaves a little to the imagaination. I think I'm going to approach him. Okay ... make him more confidant in coming to approach me. Wish me luck!!

Artist of the Week: Nia Long

2008-10-09T23:03:00.006-05:00

I know that I didn't do an Artist of the Week post last week, but I was just so uninspired. Nobody seemed to be doing anything that just "noteworthy" to me last week. So today I just sat and tried to think of some of my all time favorite movies and they all had a common link. Nia Long had co-starred in %90 of them. From Boyz in the Hood to Friday (the first one) to The Best Man to Love Jones, Ms. Nia Long has been in them all. It's a true art to be able to make an imaginary person come to life. I feel Nia has definitely been slept on. She's an amazing actress.

A Prisoner of the Worst Kind

2008-10-06T23:18:00.004-05:00

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This is called Prisoner of Words Unspoken (P.O.W) by Alicia Keys. In this piece Alicia talks about being a prisoner of compromise and kindness. Sometimes what we don't say and when we don't speak up for ourselves, we inadvertently put ourselves in cages. When I heard this poem I immediately thought of my friend ::Cassie::, because I know that she feels this way all of the time. And just like Alicia, she is mad about it.

My Testimony

2008-10-05T22:44:00.010-05:00

A couple of weeks back I posted something called "For Those of You In Need" and I mentioned that I was having financial difficulties and that there was certain credit card that I have where the minimum balance had went from around $39 to about $250. I also that said that trial would be my testimony when it was all said and done.

Well the time has finally come to be able to tell how good GOD is. I called them ((the credit card company)) about two weeks ago and explained to them what happened with my bill, and they took off the late fee, the over draft fee, the interest charges, and the finance charges. The knocked the bill down to around $100.

I called today, and I was prepared to tell the credit card company that I just didn't have that kind of money to give them all at once. I was going to ask if I could pay half now and half with my next check. When the representative got on the phone, I asked her what my minimum balance was, just to make sure, and do you know what she told me? She said, "We currently don't show you owning us ANYTHING this month." REALLY?! "Yes ma'am", she said, "because of all the credits to your account, you don't have to pay anything this month". All I could do was thank GOD, because I know that was HIM working on my behalf.

Starting Now

2008-10-03T18:11:00.021-05:00

One of my very best friends ::Leah::, sent a text the other morning and it basically said that sometimes we are prisoners of our own concepts or ideas. Sometimes we put ourselves in a box and then complain about it. Even though, we are the reason that the box is able to imprison us. To me, the biggest thing that keeps us bound is fear. We are afraid of what people might say, and of what could happen. But sometimes, that very thinking keeps of us from being happy. Being afraid of change will always make stay where you are. Sometimes you have to take a chance.

I've been thinking alot about my future. It seems like time is just slipping away and I don't have anything to show for it. I looked up one day and I had been out of high school for four years and didn't have a associate's degree. I have one now, but about a few short weeks of being proud of that accomplishment ... I was embarrassed that an associate's degree was all that I had to show for all the time that I had spent in school. I felt like I should have accomplished more than I had, and in all honesty ... I was right. I should have been finished with a bachelor's degree, after all I had been given the same amount of time as everyone that had done it in four years, but I lacked the determination and discipline that they had. Whose fault was that? Mine. I'm to blame.

I can't change the past. All I can do is start from today. Everything starts with a goal. Once you have those goals, you have to prioritize them, and for a while school wasn't the highest thing on my list, but now ... it's the only thing on my list. I don't want to look back and think about what I should have and could have done. I'm going to take things into my hands.

The first step is finding a new job. In my current profession, I feel like my growth is being stagnated. I want to be a pharmacist or at the very least a pharmacy representative. My current job isn't preparing me for either of those goals. At first I was hesitant to even look for something else, but I talked with a wise lady <- ::Mrs. Tabitha::, my beautician, I realized that anything that isn't helping you get where you want to be is hindering you. I know what I want to do, so now I have to place myself in a position to be able to do it.

When you're not happy it's time to be out, and it's not even about somebody "making" me leave. Which is the type of mind set that I had at first. It's me deciding that my current situation isn't working and doing what I need to do to be happy and at peace with myself. When you're doing something that you love ... it's easy. It's natural. It's blessing, but sometimes in order to receive what GOD has for you, you have to step out on faith and just believe that HE will make a way. I'm taking those seven steps, and I know that GOD is gonna have my back.

Hurry Up Will Ya?

2008-10-02T01:29:00.003-05:00

I think that the time has come for me to admit something that I've never told anyone ((I don't think)) I'm LONELY. There I said it. I'm lonely. I don't know what it is, but I've been single for a while now. Sometimes it's been by choice, because I love to flirt, but other times, it hasn't. I've been looking at all of my friends lately and I realized that I'm the only single one in the bunch. I don't know what that says about me, or if it even says anything at all.

I can't even remember the last time I went on a REAL date. I don't mean where me met up at our destination, from having drove to separate cars, chilled as two "BUDDYs", only to say goodnight at my car door, and called him when I got home. I mean where the guy picked me up and had a glass of water while he waited on me to put on a lil' lip gloss and spray perfume in the right places before we left. He opened the car door and held the door to place open for me, pulled out my chair (if it was that type of setting), and we just had a good time as a couple. Then he took me home, walked me to my door, you know ... that kind of date. I almost can't remember the last time I had a REAL date. It's been that long.

Lately all I've been meeting is dudes that want to do like Usher's song Trading Places, [the concept, not the actual song] but not just for one night. They want to do that crap PERMANENTLY. We all know that I'm not down for that.

There is only two people that I am really interested in, but here's the kicker ... they're brothers. I know it seems foul, and it just might be. The only plus is that as far as I know, neither of them know that I have a thing for either of them. I take that back, they might be able to sense it, because I've never been good at masking my emotions for too long. So I'll just put it like this, neither of them have made a move toward being in a relationship. I don't think that I would be jinxing myself to say that neither of them ever will.

One, ::Brice::, lives on the Florida Coast (so that kinda cancels that), and the other, ::Grayson:: ... well, I think he might be attracted to me, but his heart is still with someone else. I think that him still wanting to be with a chick from his past, is what keeps him to even speaking to me. In a way, I'm grateful to him for that, because I would hate for us to become involved with one another, just for him to break it off if the one he really wanted ever became available. Where would that leave me besides hurt and alone?

Okay, there is one other, ::Kobe::. I don't see him often, but when I do he brightens up my day. I don't know much about Kobe expect he's very handsome. I mean the man is a looker. For all I know, he could very will be taken. Just because I haven't seen his girl, doesn't mean that he does not have one. Butta I wouldn't mind getting to know him a little bit better, and from the looks of things he might be my best choice. I might have to step out and do something I don't EVER do, and approach him. <- I'll think about that.

What I'm wanting is companionship. For real. It's lonely out here, not being able to trust anybody. Feeling like everybody is out to use you. Thinking that everyone you meet is a lair, and if you wait them out, then they'll prove to you just how right you were about them. I'm like LL ... I need love. I'm talking about Mary J. Blige REAL love. I mean the type of love where sometimes you just lay your head on his chest and listen to his heart beat, and neither of you is saying a word, but y'all aren't bored. Just enjoying each others company. Loving each others' nearness. I know that it's something that I can't set out to find. It has to come to me, but it's taking tooo dang long!!

Blast from the Past: Alicia Keys - You Don't Know My Name

2008-10-01T21:17:00.011-05:00

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I know that I always say this on these posts, but ... I used to love this song!! This takes my back to my high school ... early college days. Alicia was bolder than I would have ever been. She gets the dude's number OUT of the free lunch raffle and calls him and on top of that sets up a date. That's so gangsta'. Only to have it all be a daydream <- That part sounds like me.

My favorite scene would have to be when they were at the house party and Alicia realized it was dude from the cafe', and she was acting all shy, trying not to look at him. Mos Def recognized her and just as he was about to say something ... some bullish broke out and he had to leave. Niggas always know how to mess something up!!

Have You Seen Him Naked??

2008-10-01T19:56:00.007-05:00

That is the exact question, this guy I work with named Alex asked me today? At my job, we come into contact with a lot of professional athletes, and today I made a comment that one of the football players that we know is relatively small compared to the average football player. Don't get me wrong his body is still nicer than average for the regular world, but in the world of football he's just a little on the small side. [[ I mean in stature and muscle mass, nasties!!]]. Alex went on to argue with me [[like I won't know better than he would]] that the dude is huge. Huge? Nah, not him. Then Alex asked me, "Have you seen that dude naked?" What?! No I haven't seen him naked, have you? Yes and he is huge!! I was so worried and jealous at the same time that I just had to know more. When you say naked what do you mean? From the waist up, or waist down, or just butt naked? Neither silly I just wanted to see what you would say. I'm not gay. Yeah right. What is the world coming to?

Feeling Better Already

2008-09-30T22:30:00.008-05:00

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This song called Morning Time [[the live version]] by Jean Baylor, always makes me feel sooo much better after listening to it. Jean was one half of the popular early 90s group Zhane'. I don't know how many of yall remember them. They had that song "Hey Mister DJ keep play'n that song All night On and On and On." <- Fun times.

Stressed the ---- Out!!

2008-09-30T21:20:00.014-05:00

Man ... I am starting to get a little stressed! Everything is starting to become too much!! I'm at breaking point. I don't know what is happening. There must be a blessing on the way for me, because everything that can go wrong is going wrong. PRAY for ME!

So as I've stated before, I'm ready to move out. Me and my mama ... man... sometimes we are the best of friends. Other times, though, she just makes me want to put a hole in the wall. I think that she is having a hard time letting me do me. I'm 22 years old and she acts like me and my little sister are the same age. [[My sister is 13]] Like the other day for example, she said that whatever I can do, my sister can do too. Now obviously that's not the case, because there is no way that a 13 year old could take a drink or get into a club. Hell there are even some clubs that I can't get into because I'm not old enough yet. The only thing is ... with the economy being the way that it is; this probably isn't the best time for anyone to try to make any major moves. I mean ... I know GOD is my source and all, but he also gave me the wisdom and knowledge to make sound choices. If the economy was booming and there would be money available to aid me in my quest to become debt-free after taking such a risk, then there would be no choice to make.

Speaking of MONEY, there doesn't seem to be enough to go around. George W. Bush's failed attempt at governing the country has the poor and middle classes of America walking around here looking crazy. The price of everything is going up, but somehow, my check is remaining the same. One would think that my check would increase with the price of gas, because just like it cost more to get the products there, it cost more to get ME there too. O' Fasho'. If the haters on my job have anything to say about it, not only will my check remain the same, but if I'm not careful ... I won't have a job to go to. But like the Minister Chris Madden said at Young People's Night on Sunday, "Your Haters Will Make You Greater".

Bills, Bills, Bills ... it's not just a song, it's becoming the story of my life. It's seems like all of my bills are due in the same week. I don't make the much to begin with, and on top of that everything is due. I'm going to have to get a new job that pays way more, just to stay a float. Either that or win the lotto. This is why I have to stay in school ... to pay off some of this debt.

I'm about to go back to hustle'n!! Cutting yards. Baby-sitting. Collecting cans. The whole nine

Say What?!

2008-09-30T00:48:00.004-05:00

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You may remember me posting a poem a while ago by the poet who wrote and performed this piece, Shihan. This poem is called Flashy Words. This is one of the deepest poems that I have ever heard.

The Weekend in a Nut Shell

2008-09-29T22:39:00.007-05:00

I don't know what happened in the time between Friday and Saturday, but Saturday was just a bad day! I was left wondering what in the hell happened, because from Friday night to Saturday night everything went down hill.

Saturday

Saturday started off like any other. I got to work at 9a.m. and at first everything was pretty normal. I got off at 1p.m. and picked up mama and went to choir rehearsal. After rehearsal the fam and I went to Dillard's. Everything was still cool. Nothing out of the ordinary. Around 7 o'clock, I get a phone call from ::Cassie:: telling me that on Monday they would be trying to give me a D-day [[A D-day is when you have to write an essay at work to explain why they should let you keep your job, and what you'll do in order to keep it. Then they Decide if the explanation that you gave is good enough for them to let you keep your job. Hence the word D-day]] at work, and she was just trying to give me the heads up. I was stunned. Where did that come? [[Now keep in mind, they've been trying to get me to quit for a while now.]] I figured since they couldn't get me to quit, they would try to fire me, but they have another thing coming. They can't boot me, when I leave it will be by choice. Believe that!! I ended up going to movies with ::Cassie:: to see Eagle Eye starring Shai LeBouif [[It's really good, everyone should go see it]] and then hitting up IHOP afterwards just to relax a little after being hit with that bullet.

Sunday

Sunday was cool. I had been promising my friend ::Whanda::, that I would go to church with her for the longest, so I figured that as a good of a time as any to make good on it. Okay the first service is cool. Then we head to second service. Now the second service was da bomb. It was a Young Peoples' Night ... I really had a great time. There were poets, singers, rappers, praise dancers, and they had a young minister bring the word. All and all after those to service I started to feel better about everything that was happening in my life. I'm glad I went.

Today Was A Good Day

2008-09-27T01:15:00.021-05:00

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So today is Friday ... okay yesterday was Friday, after all it is 1 in the morning, and I had a pretty good day. My days are never as hard as the song I posted, but in my own little way ... I go through a struggle too. Today was a day I smile about. I'm smiling now.

The J-O-B

I worked for 9 to 5, and although work is always a dark cloud on my sunny day, it seemed to go by pretty fast. That is most definitely a BLESSING. I spent alot of my time today daydreaming while I stood at the door. I didn't even have any really rude customers. Although there are some aspects of my current profession, ((I called it a profession, because everybody is NOT cut out for my line of work)) I found out about an opportunity to work somewhere with less stress and more money; all I have to do is apply. Like I said ... today was so Blessed.

It's Ya Birthday!

After I got off I came home to prepare myself for my Bishop's birthday celebration at my church. At first I didn't want to go ... I didn't have a reason, but like I've said so many times already, sometimes I'm just weird like that. Like always, I ended up going and had a great time. The food was delicious, and the stories that everyone told were hilarious. I realized something while listening to everyone ... I LOVE my Bishop. He's a great man. I thank GOD for placing me under his leadership. I even saw a particular member of my church that had moved away to Miami! He told me that if I ever wanted to visit him, all I would have to do is get a plane ticket and he would take care of the rest. That was definitely a high point in the night for me. Ya dig!?

Bowling Anyone?

After I left the party ... ::Cassie:: and went bowling at Premiere. Once again it was free for all bowling and I had my best games ever. I'm starting to get better. I'm still not a pro but, [smiling] I'm proud of me! I even saw the dude that I think is so cute. Once again we played the staring game for a hot minute. I still haven't found out his name, but because of the old member of my church who moved away resurfacing, I didn't even care. I was just having a good time with a chica who quickly becoming one of my best friends.

A CHANCE REAL at LOVE?

2008-09-26T00:03:00.006-05:00

From left to right: Chance, Real, and Love

Guess who is getting a new reality dating show ... Chance and Real. The show will feature 15 girls, vying for their affection. I wonder how will that work. I'm sure that they wouldn't pick a chick that has been kissing on both of them. Look for it to be out around October 15th.

Girl Power!! Cherish

2008-09-25T18:06:00.001-05:00

Press Pause to Stop Music

The girl group Cherish is my featured artist for Girl Power. These girls have the potential to be the next Destiny's Child, if they could just get the right team behind them, and the right promotion. I absolutely loved their last CD, "The Truth". I could bump almost every song on the album [[which is rare these days]]. I haven't heard much from these ladies in the past couple of months, but I do know that one of the girls (Neosha) has gotten married and another girl (Farrah) has had a baby. Those huge events probably have something to do with Cherish's decision of fall back from the spotlight for awhile.

My Dream Home

2008-09-25T17:09:00.003-05:00