Another Year, Same Problems
Another birthday has come and gone for me and the same problems I faced last year are still staring me in the face this year. I feel so defeated. I wanted so much to become a better person but yet and still, I'm the same. Nothing positive happened for me last year. NOTHING as far as me become financial independent or achieving any of my goals.
I want to do better. I just don't know how. I know that it takes more than just a thought. It takes action and determination. But I just don't know where to start. I feel like my life is in shambles. My mama thinks I'm a sorry excuse for a person. My job makes me feel like a terrible employee. My boyfriend :: Christian:: makes me feel like I don't make him happy, like he doesn't feel anything for me anymore, and it's because of me. I don't even like myself. I'm disappointed with the person that I am.
I'm in the double digit thousands in debt. I have no assets. My job has a dead end because I can't seem to progress there. I'm negative each and every week in my accounts. I'm not making enough money to live on my own ((which is why I still at home)) but it's evident that I'm not making enough to live at home either.
Once again I'm not in school. Hell I don't even know what I want to do with my life anymore.
My relationship is suffering. I feel like he's frustrated with me and he tired of trying. It hurts because I love him, but I know that he doesn't love me. My insecurities and my flaws make it impossible for him to be in love with me. I feel like he wants to leave, but he just doesn't know how.
I've made things so bad for myself. I don't even know how to begin put together the pieces. I don't know how to get my life back on track. I just want to be in a good place in every area of my life, but the more I try the worse things get. I just need some help .... some kind of sign to let me which way is up. I just to know that somebody out there cares, but no one does and it all because of me. How do I make things better? How do I make this the year of solutions?
Labels: pity party of one
posted by Beautifully_Me @ 8:43 AM
3 Comments:
At October 9, 2010 at 10:50 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Hey girl,.. its gonna be fine, but you HAVE to be realistic to solve your problems
1. Stop focusing on negative thoughts, you are so much more than the mistakes you've made! its true.. look back even just go through your blog to older entries and see how much you have changed and improved
2. There is no one way of achieving success in life
yes, you might not enjoy your life, but so what?.. there are millions out there who don't have jobs, parents or boyfriends..
USE THE PPL IN YOUR LIFE FOR SUPPORT... IF THEY seem to only let you down, forget abt them!..
the main focus is you and
(you are the only one who has the power to change your life, you've only got one life to live,.. be nice to your heart, soul and you will live longer..) If the words in the bracket seems familiar, its coz YOU wrote them on your article of things that every college girl should know!.. I read them and since then i follow by those rules..
so see, you don't have to go far to find answers to your life, they could be right in your blog
~PEACE Sista!..
At October 9, 2010 at 10:51 PM ,
Maisha said...
girl stop thinking abt all the negative stuff.. be positive ok?
At November 15, 2010 at 10:16 AM ,
Beautifully_Me said...
Sorry it has taken so long to respond to both of the comments that you all left, but you were both right. A lot of it had to do with the way that I was thinking and what I was focusing on. You know ... consently focusing on a problem can make it seem bigger than it really is. BUT when I started paying attention to the positive the negative seemed to become less and less of an issue.
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