It's All a Game

I've been thinking a lot about my current state of single hood. I've talked to a bus load of people of these past two years since I've been in a relationship, but I haven't met anyone worth settling down with. I know that part of the problem is me. My standards are a little high, but I don't think that they are unattainable. I know that it's all a game. Dudes just say what you want to hear so that they can get some, and we just say what they want to hear, so that they will do things for us.

But my question is ... When do the games stop? When do we just stop playing and be real with each other? Nobody wants to be alone forever, and having different people coming in and out of your life like a revolving door gets old too. After awhile I just believe that everybody wants to have the one person in their corner that they trust. Somebody that they know is down for them. And not just the fantasy them. I'm talking about the REAL them. The person that they are when nobody is looking. The person that snores. Not the person that wakes up early to brush their teeth then gets back in the bed before you wake up to make it seem like they don't have morning breath. Nobody is perfect. None of us will ever have perfection. But I do know that every person has somebody that is perfect FOR them. Lately I've been meeting a lot of men, but I want to meet that person that is for me. Where is he??

I like ::Tyler:: but I know that he's running game. He lives in my home town, so I know that he has somebody. And as quiet as it's kept and as much I don't want to think it, the person in the shadows might just be me. He's not a virgin, hell he has two kids. I know that he's sleeping with somebody. I know that it's not me. So who is it? I'm going to have a talk with him tonight. I want us both to be clear on where we really stand. I'm tired of playing games and feeling like we have to be politically correct with each other. Pretending like his baby mamas don't exist, or that I don't live a whole state away. It's time to be real.

::Grayson:: has become one with the wind, and is now breeze that has blown on down the way. I tried, but I just can't see myself approaching a man. Men don't wait for what they want. The painful truth is that he probably just doesn't like me. DAMN. It hurts to say that, because I like him, but I guess I have to just accept the truth. It's been a while. If he was going to approach me, he would have already. It's time to let it go.

Lastly there is this new guy in my life named ::Lamar::. Like every other older man that I've met, he has a child. The funny thing about ::Lamar:: is, before we went out I was sweating him like crazy. He sounded like a winner. He on the other hand, was playing me to the side so hard. But now that we have had our date. I see him as more of a friend. He is short as hell, and as shallow as that may seem, that is a total turn off. The only thing that separates a friendship from a relationship, honestly, is sex. And ::Lamar:: will not be hitting. I don't want to waste his time, so I guess I have two phone calls to make tonight. I better get it over with.