I Must Be Cursed

I think that there is a curse on my life. Nothing that I touch seems to prosper. Nothing is going right in any area of my life. I don't know what I've done to bring this upon myself, but I'm tired. I don't want to be the person looking around and realizing that my life is in shambles. That nothing that I desire can come into fruition. I'm feeling so down. Miserable. Defeated. DAMN!! ((sighs))

It all started this morning. I was on my way out the door when my step daddy asked me to make up the bed for him. Like I said, I was already on my way out, so I told him that I couldn't do it today, but to have my little sister do it when she got home. "Okay .... don't worry about it. It's cool" he said. I could tell that he was upset, but I was already gonna be late. Fast forward a couple of hours. I get out of class and call mama just see how her day was going and she asks me if ::Miles:: <- my step daddy had asked me to make up the bed. I told her yeah, but that I had something to do after class and wouldn't be home and for him to have my sister do it. She broke out into this tirade of how he does so much me and never asks me for anything and the one time he does ... I turn him down. The truth was I know that he does a lot for me. He treats me better than my really daddy has ever treated me, but this ONE time I had other things to do. I never turn him, because he is so good to me and my sister. I hated how mama was trying to be the guilt trip on me. It worked ... I cancelled what I had to do and came home and remade the bed.

I dropped out of school today. I looked at all of my scores in the one and only class that I am taking and figured it would be best for me to drop it instead of flunking out. My teacher told me that I still had a chance to pass the class, but I was so lost today and had been for quite some time, that I didn't feel like I could catch up by next Thursday and be prepared for the test. Maybe I gave up too soon. I think I'll go in tomorrow and see if we can postpone my dropping the class until after we see how I'm going to do on this test. Who knows I might surprise myself and pass it. <-Wishful thinking.

When I got to work I was still feeling kind of okay. I wasn't the happiest camper, but I wasn't a grouch either. I had been at work for about 30 minutes when I got called to the office. I was thinking to myself this can't be for anything bad. Hell, I just got back from vacation. I haven't done anything yet. I make myself comfortable on the chair and waited for the managers to come in. They get in and they tell me that they want to talk about the return I took back before I left. Again? I talked to someone about it before I went on vacation and they assured me that it was just going to be seen as a mistake. They all looked shocked. They couldn't renege on what another member of management had already told me, but I know that this is the day that I was going to get fired, because whenever they pull you into the back office that is what it means. Only by the grace of GOD I made ::Daniel:: talk to me before I left, or else today I would have been the day I became jobless.

The biggest slap in the face of the day came from ::Cassie::. As I've mentioned in other post I have a huge crush on this customer that always comes in named ::Dorian::. How about today ::Cassie:: came to me and was like I have to talk to you about something. OKAY, what's up. I've gave ::Dorian:: my number the other day and now we're talking. That bit of information was like a stab in the heart to me. It's not like ::Dorian:: is somebody that I used to have a crush on. He's somebody that I'm feeling NOW. I tried to smile and be okay with it, because I didn't want to come off as a hater, but I am mad at her for not respecting my feelings. It wasn't like she didn't know. I told her on the regular how I felt about ::Dorian:: and she would always ridicule my affections for him. Calling him dusty and a bum. I leave for the weekend, come back, and now they are together. DAMN!!! In the process of them hooking up, I lost a friend, because there is no way that I be around somebody who doesn't care about how I feel.

What else can go wrong?