Hurry Up Will Ya?

I think that the time has come for me to admit something that I've never told anyone ((I don't think)) I'm LONELY. There I said it. I'm lonely. I don't know what it is, but I've been single for a while now. Sometimes it's been by choice, because I love to flirt, but other times, it hasn't. I've been looking at all of my friends lately and I realized that I'm the only single one in the bunch. I don't know what that says about me, or if it even says anything at all.

I can't even remember the last time I went on a REAL date. I don't mean where me met up at our destination, from having drove to separate cars, chilled as two "BUDDYs", only to say goodnight at my car door, and called him when I got home. I mean where the guy picked me up and had a glass of water while he waited on me to put on a lil' lip gloss and spray perfume in the right places before we left. He opened the car door and held the door to place open for me, pulled out my chair (if it was that type of setting), and we just had a good time as a couple. Then he took me home, walked me to my door, you know ... that kind of date. I almost can't remember the last time I had a REAL date. It's been that long.

Lately all I've been meeting is dudes that want to do like Usher's song Trading Places, [the concept, not the actual song] but not just for one night. They want to do that crap PERMANENTLY. We all know that I'm not down for that.

There is only two people that I am really interested in, but here's the kicker ... they're brothers. I know it seems foul, and it just might be. The only plus is that as far as I know, neither of them know that I have a thing for either of them. I take that back, they might be able to sense it, because I've never been good at masking my emotions for too long. So I'll just put it like this, neither of them have made a move toward being in a relationship. I don't think that I would be jinxing myself to say that neither of them ever will.

One, ::Brice::, lives on the Florida Coast (so that kinda cancels that), and the other, ::Grayson:: ... well, I think he might be attracted to me, but his heart is still with someone else. I think that him still wanting to be with a chick from his past, is what keeps him to even speaking to me. In a way, I'm grateful to him for that, because I would hate for us to become involved with one another, just for him to break it off if the one he really wanted ever became available. Where would that leave me besides hurt and alone?

Okay, there is one other, ::Kobe::. I don't see him often, but when I do he brightens up my day. I don't know much about Kobe expect he's very handsome. I mean the man is a looker. For all I know, he could very will be taken. Just because I haven't seen his girl, doesn't mean that he does not have one. Butta I wouldn't mind getting to know him a little bit better, and from the looks of things he might be my best choice. I might have to step out and do something I don't EVER do, and approach him. <- I'll think about that.

What I'm wanting is companionship. For real. It's lonely out here, not being able to trust anybody. Feeling like everybody is out to use you. Thinking that everyone you meet is a lair, and if you wait them out, then they'll prove to you just how right you were about them. I'm like LL ... I need love. I'm talking about Mary J. Blige REAL love. I mean the type of love where sometimes you just lay your head on his chest and listen to his heart beat, and neither of you is saying a word, but y'all aren't bored. Just enjoying each others company. Loving each others' nearness. I know that it's something that I can't set out to find. It has to come to me, but it's taking tooo dang long!!